Now i know this is the friendship board,
but i didn't see the advice board.

I have a beautiful daughter who is a year old,
I love her very much she is my pride and joy.

O.k. here is where things get a little wierd,
there was a girl I had been friends with for about a year and a half and I trusted her completely,
she is 19 and almost naive she has no family that i'm aware of and had no friends when i met her.
Over the past year I've done just about completly everything i could to help her. ie drove her to and from work loaned her 400 hundred dollars to get her apartment hooked her up with nice guys when she said she was lonely.
there's tons more but all little things here and there.

well about 3 weeks ago she stopped calling stopped coming over.
well about 2 weeks ago lavinya mae(my baby girl) was taken from me by the office of childrens services,
the next day I found out it was "my friend" who had called them, she called them and told them that among other things I am a crackhead that I am abusing 10 different pills and I poured several cups of hot coffee on my baby.
well before you form any opinions please let me explain some things.
yes i was a crackhead 2 and a half years ago, But when i found out i was pregnant I put it down FOREVER,
then the whole pill thing, my mom commit suicide in november by overdosing on pills why am i gonna turn around and use them.
and thirdly I can't understand why anyone in there right mind would pour scalding coffee on any innocent child,
Iwas abused and neglected in just about every way shape and form as a child and I had been doing efrything i could to make sure my own child never endured such pain.
I'm going crazy without her it's been 2 weeks or more and i still wake up at 8 inthe morning and expect to see her morning smile and change her andfeed her i miss her so badly.

please anyone who has any advice or just anything that seems helpful please.

That's horrible.

I know in this country there would need to be physical proof that you had abused her, that social services would act on a complaint, but that your daughter would have to exibit evidence of abuse of neglect before being taken away permanently.

Coffee scalds, a baby would have a huge burn. Without it, they know you didn't do it, regardless of what anyone else says.

Have they said that they are waiting for a criteria to be filled? For you to be tested etc, before you can have her back?

I need to get a job and a apartment and yes pee clean,
the peeing clean i can do, but i live in Kenai ak. and the job situation is a little harder
I am a single parent that does not trust daycares so i lived off welfare and i was living with my mom till she died then i was staying at a shelter till i got dishcharged recently
for not being a victim of domestic violence.
wellthey expect me to get a job but if i was hired anywhere they would probably fire me anyways for the fact that i am going to court 2 sometimes 3 times weekly.
i might be stupid or whatever but i just can't seemto understand why i was dealt such a shitty hand of cards to live.

that was in no way a pity me post (although that's exzactly how it sounds)

So sad. All the cases of which you spoke.

I belive that you will get your child back, but you will have to wait a bit longer. Further, mor e, don't get your child back on the 11th of this month.


Good luck will strike.

May BE twixe?

Good luck?

~wonders~
what is this?

Anything happen on the eleventh?

Okay... Im not much of a nice person when it comes to handing out advice... I tell it like it is, no matter how bitchy and nasty it seems... Im not excusing anything because you are going through a tough time... Mainly because if you want advice then you shouldn't have time to bitch back at me or make excuses for yourself, read on and if you don't like it then tough shit, Im not here to console you or give you pitty, I don't care how much your suffering inside.

First off, your 'friend', I don't give a shit how much you care or cared for her... You need revenge, she has been in your home and is supposed to give you respect, from what you posted, I don't think that is respect.... Make a calculated decision never to trust anyone again... Not because you were wronged but because it is the natural law of things, you could have a best friend in the whole wide world and they would still shit on you... ALWAYS keep your gaurd up with EVERYONE... It was very foolish of you to place your trust in such an obvious back stabber. Your friends are the worst potential threat you will ever have... Treat them with respect and have fun... BUT NEVER EVER let your gaurd down... Presume the worse but not directly to them... Leave it in the back of your head, it will help you from faultering in future.

Sencondly... There is supposed to be an investiagtion that takes place with the full involvement of you and your daughter... The CAS are supposed to come to your place and check up on you both, interview you and pay regular visits for a period of time until they give you the all clear or they decide that you are unfit... It is only if your child is in hospital for a physical injury that a nurse or someone thinks was inflicted by a parent, they come and take your child, even then there is an active investiagtion where they interview you... Unless they see fit otherwise, they can't just up and take your kid without sufficent evidence that you have been abusive towards her, they can't just go "Well her buddy said that she was doing this that and the other to her kid so lets just go on what her buddy said and take her kid from her." It doesn't work like that... I dunno what happened for them to take your kid but they just can't do that without evidence that you are unfit... Im talking physical evidence....

I don't want to hear excuses of "Well its not my fault" or whatever... If they have taken your child without any solid proof that you are unfit then they are the ones to answer for it because you can waltz up and get your kid back with the help of legal aid or a lawyer if you can afford it. If they have sufficent proof that you are unfit and have taken your child away because of that then you only have yourself to blame... No "well my buddy did it!" or "Im going through a tough time etc..." No, there is no excuse for it and it pisses me off to hear excuses from people trying to pass the buck on anything... So don't even try to do that with me... You came here for advice... Well here I am giving you it... Do not make excuses for yourself and do not expect any pitty from me... I don't care wheather it is self inflicted or not... Im not here for a pitty party, Im here tell you what I know...

Lastly... Learn about the system... There is a saying "Know the system, beat the system", if you are a winner, you can get what you want by either finding a loophole in the whole system or finding something that applies to you in it... If you are a loser, just make excuses for yourself and place the blame on others... It won't help you progress forward but it will leave you blameless for the events, what would you rather do, blame others and wallow in self pitty or the ability to do something about a situation and all the while, learning valuble lessons? The ball is in your court.

Personally, if the CAS ever took my children.... I would do all I can to get them back, no questions asked.... I know alot about the social services because I made it my duty to do so for my childrens sake... I am a parent and should know about this stuff....

I am always amazed to see parents who have not educated themselves on the social service system... Its ignorance at its best.... The public health services are there to help parents with the infomation they have and yet people refuse to call them when they need help... I find this to be really anal and most people don't even deserve this public service... The community pays for it and people shy away from it when they need it most. Fucking typical....

My best advice to you is...

Deal with it, fight if you want... If you don't want to fight it then you obviously don't give a shit anyway so wanting advice was pointless and the only reason you posted this was for sympathy.... I make no expectations of anyone... I don't know what you're willing to do but if you're wanting pitty.... Then you shouldn't have posted it for me to read...

As for your 'friend'... Destroy her... Bide your time and repay her with something calculated to make her life a misery... Revenge is a human impulse... It is in our nature to want revenge... Do it.... Or don't complain and bitch about her.... You are not a harmless person... Nobody is harmless and because your enemies think that you are, that is even more of an insult to you... Bide your time and make your friends life a misery... I know I would.... She showed you no mercy... Show her none.

So your 21, CPS(as called in Utah) took your kid with no proof of harm or neglect, and your ex(she better be)-friend is the one that dropped the dime(or .75 these days) on you for this??

How old is the wee one now???

Besides Lenina's post.... I would have questions for you..(too much law and order/CSI i guess)

If you have been evicted from the housing, where are you staying now.
Where were you and the child staying when they took her.
Where are you staying now.
What are your living arrangements going to be when she is returned to you.
What are you going to do for income now/ the future.
What was going on at the time they took her from you(exactly, not kinda-sorta).
Why are you expected to goto court 2-3times a week.

These questions are the first page ones that you will be asked by CPS.. There are more...

Answer these honestly and i will see what help can be found in your state...

Seeing as she hasn't been back in a while I'll answer a couple of them based on her second post.
She was living in a shelter for abused women but was kicked out for not being a victim of domestic violence, and I'm guessing homelessness is the real reason why the child was taken away, as she says she has to get an apartment and a job to get the child back.

Although, she says she doesn't trust daycare, so I take it she's not willing to work, so who knows when she'll get her kid back.

or get to the local library to post it seems...

based on that post .. hopefully never.