hey everyone. its been awhile since ive been on here and i see i dont really know many people around here anymore.

ive been teetering on the edge of happiness and a crashing depression for a few months. geez what i would kill to just be back a few months ago. im getting scared for myself now becuase i feel myself slipping. i slippped before and it was pretty and if i slip agian i might jsut not get back up. im falling for the stupidest reason. i got dumped and it hurts. the most childish reason but for some reason it hurts way worse then it should.
i recentally relized i think i have a drug problem, im using them as a way to aviod my feelings and deal with them on a very non deep plain. i tried my best to quit before but then a bunch of shit happend and i went right back. i never before used it this often or for this long of time. im only smoking weed but its quickly leading to other things.
all my friends are stoners , everyone i know that im good friends with does some drug be it weed or coke. so its not like there wouldnt be major pressure to continue.
i dunno im just very confused now , ill write some later after i finish off this bowl.

my noone left behind attitude is making me feel worse. i have this thing where i feel a strong urge to keep everyone around me and keep everyone together. i just cant let go of anyone. no matter how much they hurt me , if i once cared for them they are stuck with me. my everything jeff moved away too new york last year and i havent seen him since. i write him emails every once in awhile and he never returns them. he has been a complete ass to me but i just wont let him go. it has worked though i mean he says hes coming to visit soon.

im ok right now ,stable at least. i have only cried once today and i only smoked once too. ive been trying to keep myself busy , im just trying to ignore my feelings for awhile. today hasent been too bad considering the day i had yesterday. tomorrow im hoping is good too. im having trouble breathing because its so hot and my chest is really tight. i know imnot going to sleep for another 2 3 hours but i want to jsut pass out . i ate a bit today... more than i had yesterday. i had a few pieces of candy 2 slices of bread a bit of egg salad adn some twizlers. not that healthy but i figured it was better than nothing.

Everyone has their hard times, and sometimes even thought it seems all hope is lost we just have to hold on a little longer and stay strong just a bit more even though a bit more seems like eternity. I know the whole clinging to everyone who ever cared or loved you feeling...I've done it so much and still do and I always blame myself for everything that happens, everyone's misfortune, depression, and so forth but sometimes clinging isn't the best thing, don't worry though you'll learn to let go and it'll feel like a heavy burden has fallen from your shoulders when that happens. And remember we're all different nothings a stupid reason to get depressed. Just know that there's always a light waiting to guide you. (if you need anyone to talk to you can send me a pm or aim message me if i'm on)

Hello.. woah that was me almost 2 years ago.. amazing nothings changed.. i forgot my password so i stopped coming here..i missed it.. so im back.. its taking me a bit to get comfortable being here alot of new people.. well if anyone who i used to talk to here reads this send me a PM.. much love to all