Okay. So. Don't think anyone's going to be able to help with this, I'm aware that I made a huge mess. But I can't talk about it anywhere so I'm gonna bitch about it here.

So. I broke up with my boyfriend, and immediately got into a relationship with someone else. And we all know that's wrong. I know I should have waited and stuff. But, I didn't. The other guy.. *sigh* he's.. just.. I don't know, I think the prospect of being with him overruled my better judgement. He's great. (Heh, and he sometimes reads this board. I hope he's not gonna read this, I'll sound like such a suck up.. I'm starting to not really care anymore though..)

Oh. And I should put in at this point that this is actually more pathetic than it sounds, since this is all internet relationships.

Anyway. The ex came to this country and.. we got on.. and.. ended up getting back together. *sigh* So.. although that's all sunshine and puppies.. the other guy.. has been angry, and hating me, and generally.. very hurt.. ever since.. and this was a month ago. Selfishly, I still want to be friends with him. Because.. I kinda need him. Before we were together he was.. well.. pretty much my best friend..

But it doesn't seem like things are ever gonna get any better. He resents me. He's hurting and I want to make it stop, but I don't think there's anyway I can do that. I made this mess; and I'm hurting, but.. he's hurting more.. it's unfair.. and.. ugh, I don't even have any right to moan about this since it was all.. my.. fault..

And I can't help thinking.. maybe.. if it had been him that'd been over here instead of my ex.. then things would have turned out differently.. but he isn't, and can't, be here. Whereas maybe the boyfriend can be.

I'm so fucking shallow. I'm sure I'd love either of them.. fuck.. I don't know.. and if things go wrong again with the.. wait, current boyfriend, former ex.. then.. the temptation to go running back to the other guy would be too great.. I don't want to fuck him about anymore though..

See.. I know I did everything wrong.. but I can't see where to go from here. I guess I have to let him go, forget about me or whatever.. regardless of my selfish want for him to still be around and be my friend.

I don't know. Anyone think they could forgive me, in his place?

I couldn't.

*sigh*

And my.. other ex.. who I was with for 2 years.. is still hanging around telling me he loves me "as a great friend" and telling me I look good naked and stuff... and I dumped him in a much more horrific way.. the way this 2 week relationship ended.. *sigh* I guess I just didn't expect quite so much anger, bitterness and resentment..

Ugh.

Both of the recent guys are people I'd never have wanted to hurt; rather, wanted to look after, wrap up in cotton wool and all that shit.. but, I've ended up fucking over both of them.

People that tell me I'm a bad, evil person might just have a point.

give the other guy (not ur other ex who's saying the stuff) some time to cool off. thats all he needs. after about a month or so try talking to him, tell him the situation. or hell, just let him read this! but untill then, have fun w/ ur bf babe. hope things work out.

Your Morning Star

Dri

Cheers. I guess waiting is the only choice I have... things were better today, we had a proper conversation and stuff... well, things got better and then worse... eh... never mind... yeah, anyway.. I think I just.. need to be less of a bitch in future, maybe.. *kinda.. rolls her eyes at herself*..

Ok, first of all, from your fist post...yes i would forgive you in his place...maybe take me some time, but if i ever considered you to be a true friend, then for sure, you would be forgiven. And second, in your last post, you say you finally had a normal conversation....well trust me, this is blinding, and its all gonna go to hell again, but then it will seem to get better again, then it will go to hell again......this will keep happening. Neither one of you can forget each other, so dont even waste time trying, it aint gonna happen, and ur only gonna stress urself trying....however, don't talk to each other for a while.....if your on chat, stop chatting and just send emails back and forth, this will calm the arguments, which if you have been having online, i am sure have been much more heated then needed....if the emails become bitter, then stop them as well, as Dri said, time to cool off is much needed, how much time? well i would start with one month, then send and email and see what happens........take it from there and let us know how it goes........hope this sheds some light......

oh yeah, almost forgot........and one more thing... we all fuck up so dont be too hard on yourself for that

i have been in a situation like this, only on your side of things. i jumped into a relationship to quikly for both me and the others sake. neither of us had totaly thought it through, with the sircumstances that were at hand, we jumped into it. i did it because i had almost given up. i was alone, and i hated it. so i accepted her offer. and thus, my happiness took over, it was happiness but i was not fully happy because i ddi not have what i really wanted.

all i can say is give it time, with me things cooled down, but it took a huge thing toi do it. acctually a pretty stupid idea on my part, and that led to our conversations later that day.

i regret it sometimes, because i think that doing that led ppl my way, ppl i wanted to kind of stay away from, but also be with at the same time. i never trully know what the outcome could have been, but i m glad with the one i got, so therefor i donty question it.

time is a bitch, and it seems to never end, but hey sometimes the longest things can seem so shorrt in the end. dont worry, have fun, and ull see the light of day once again. trust me on this. and dont fuck up again!!!!!! lol.. i also know not to do that.....

have a nice day

..

..*winks to Alles*..seem to have a habit of this, eh?

..Righto, well, since I'll end up confuzzling meself later, I'm going to label de ex-ex(current bf I suppose) as guy1..n' de other as guy2..

..Funny, since I've been in all three situations.

..Guy1: Fecking up relationships may be fun, but, I feel that mayhap that is not what he's trying to do. Obviously, he must care for you enough to make de trip(if he wasn't already going) or to see you(again, if he wasn't already going to). Either he made a mistake, and realized his folly, trying to make up for his own wrong doing, OR, you fecked up, n' he jus' got around to accepting your apologies. I don' know enough about de situation, so, I'm gonna make feck lotta assumptions. But then, there is always de chance that guy1 may be using you..for whichever reason..*cough*..

..Guy2: Truthful friend turned lover. That used to be me story up until a few years ago (Read: until I got shallow as feck). It will prolly/does hurt him more than he'll let on, because you were such great friends before taking de next step. He's a man. We always keep raw emotions hidden deep down. I suggest you find Some way of digging down into 'im and releasing those emotions. Before they get to be too much for him n' he does something stupid. Again, that's happened to me before, so, I kinda/sorta/mayhap/lil-bit know what I'm talking about. Or mayhap Guy2 is made up of more 'stuff' than I, n' can let such things roll o'er his shoulders without wincing. Though I wouldn't think so(after all, I doubt you have a habit of choosing such daft men). If you can somehow get through to him, about your situation, and your stance, then no doubt there will be hostility. Remember, as you stated, this is Your fault. So you can't get overly upset back. Most of the things he might say, he won't really mean, and will more than likely apologize for them later(which, in return, you do de same!..stubborn lil woman!).

..You: Once I've been in your situation. To tell de truth, I fecked it up a wee bit worse than you, n' mayhap that is de reason why I'm alone n' single. So look at de bright side. It could be worse..You Could Be ME!!..You should find out what you want first. Choices will have to be made..you can't have both(..well, you could..but..er*whaps meself*..) so decide which one means most to you. No "well I like/love/care for them both equally"..Either one, or none. Who knows, you are still YOUNG..mayhap neither of de two would be best..

..anyhow, thats me pence..however much sense that made..

..well then, back to me alchoholic-induced haze..

*grins* thanks, Eli...

*snogs him* knew you'd be good for something at some point.. and.. yeah.. I knew I had to make a choice.. and I made it.. for now, anyways.. it's just living with the consequences.. ugh.. but yeah, my fault, I'll deal with everyone knowing I'm evil and nasty for a while and eventually things might be okay again.

If I'm lucky.

Thanks to everyone else, too... especially since you don't know me.. so.. thank you for taking the time to read and think about and reply to my shit.. cheers!

..

..*grins*..

..glad to be of -some- help..