whats up?

my head won't stop


and i'm scared

Still need a little more to go on than that.Wont stop what?

all the thoughts, the images, the screams, they hurt

You`re either in the middle of a bad trip or are reliving past tramas.hmm this is a hard one...try drinking and/or something else to take your mind off of it.

10 days sober, so drinking is not the answer.

I am making pics to help ease the the sped my mind is runing at, I am frightened it will not slow down


oh and yes it is past truma

I would use direct anger/stess release but I dont suppose there`s anything to punch around there.Has this happened before?

Its a hard place to be in. When I went through it, I cried. I let it all out. Everything. I dont know what happened to you, but sometimes acknowledgeing whatever it was that happened is a good thing. If this doesnt help you, I'm sorry.
Just hang in there.

all the time Red


and at 1:30am when you live in your rents house there ain't an awful lot you can do

Your rents house?Er...?

Damn you must be strong to go through all of that shit.The only things I can think of would involve some sort of emotional outburst(like Ditto said) or emotional centring(meditation).You see someone about this?Really should do if you dont already.

right.


Had alot of emotional breakdowns as of late, was seeing a shrink but because of complications (new job and other stuff) I can no longer see him.

I send most of my nght DL'ing music to relax to but nothing seems to work. I m just so uptight and cannot relax.

I have now got the most fantastic persn in the world as a girlfriend but all I can think of is how my insanity is gonna fuck it all up. I have to much time to think and my had will not just shut off for a fucking moment.

Al I do is sit and think, think, think and its not god for me

Music is a background thing, it doesnt really occupy the mind unless the minds shut off a bit to begin with.I find video games to deaden the senses more, play long enough and you forget thigs outside of the screen.Maybe its a personal preferance thing though.:/
Well another shrink would be a aim along with something proven to relax people.I know theres a lot of herbal crap about that might do the trick-docs say a lot of it works too.I know its never good to be alone with your thoughts from experiance.I guess thats why time is either killed or savoured, just having it there weights some people down.

Becaue of the new joba new shrink is not a viable option, plus I have a bad habbit of highs and lows, after seeing my shrink I get euphoric and then crash down in flames, not good

If you go the video games route, Doom always worked for me when stressed/depressed.

But on the girl part of it, don't worry about your insanity or whatever...your quirks...fucking things up. Its something I've worried about constantly with my girls...and you just have to realize that it won't matter. If she really cares, than nothing is going to mess it up...step back and look at it from a reality point of view rather than whatever your mind shows you.

Given that I don't know what exactly you're going through, all I can do is agree with Red...outburst or centering...and good luck.

You might find it calming to remember that things are never so bad that they can't be worse...so no matter what, be glad that they're not worse...

It sounds like you have manic depression. Im no doctor (thats for sure) but I have manic depression, anti-depressents can really help. Personally I cant tell people my problems cause of lack of trust, but if you trust someone enough like your new girlfriend, maybe she could help or understand you problem/s. Good luck to you, and if you ever wanted to talk I'll be here even if you dont want to talk I'll be here, Love Rave.

Yes, anti depressants could help. Just watch, many times they'll be overprescribed and such...but I'm sure you know those stories...go to a doctor you'd trust rather than someone new...

Also because of the new job medication is not a viable option. I lied and told them I had no mental health problems.

If they find out then I will have my contract terminated.

I really don't know what the answer is, everyone else's ideas are all very good, if you can manage to redirect all your thoughts for a time and wear yourself out with the new action it's brilliant, but I also know it's really hard to find something that will do that once you get into a bad state.

I wish you all the best of luck, don't stop trying to find an answer because it might be just around the corner, and don't be scared to rely on other people a bit if things get bad, thats what everyone is out there for

Do not worry, they will not find it out, unless you give them a reason to search about you.
...watch some movies with happy endings.