Yes this has been a crappy week, even a crappy month.... oh screw it! it's a crappy year..... I find myself crawling down a dark stairwell of total failure and in doing so put myself in probably the biggest rut in my life..... I keep saying to myself there has got to be something missing, There is something I am not doing right... there has got to be something more than this. Trouble is I don't know what I'm missing.... I feel cold..... but I can't give in not yet.... I feel the need to do something drastic something just out of my normal routine.... not just for a day.... but perhaps a week. It's like an itch i just can't scratch and I don't know the exact place where it itches so it makes me unnerved.

well even though no one seems to want to be my friend I am still going to type in here for it helps to clear my head of excess baggage. I have decided to finally do something very drastic. Since I haven't any time for me, and have given everyone everything they wanted I feel the need to now do something for me.... and I am going to spoil myself rotten by going on a trip..... not sure where though kind of leaning towards a bus trip to either salem, mass or new orleans ... unfortunately it's going to be expensive and no one will probably go but me so it's kind of odd... like it is unnerving because it's somewhere unfamiliar somewhere that I am completely on my own no matter what happens..... perhaps that is what i need..... a change will be good.

hey welcome to df, ill be your friend
im really familiar with that feeling that somethings missing... it really sucks but maybe a trip will do you some good... its always nice to just get away from all the usual bullshit... anyway... welcome

profanity

Cool Thanks! It is nice to meet you! I have actually started to lean towards New Orleans, but only if my sister is going along. I really hate traveling alone and plus the tickets are much cheaper for two people I am finding out. I am actually really excited and perhaps when I come back from it I'll have pics to show =)

urgh I hate my life.... I can't go to new orleans because my sister can't go... she can't get off =(.... and I hate going away by myself..... damn friggin job they're all bastards

cheer up ry.



life is a bitch but have no fear.....bus trips suck but lilys here!

hey thanks good to feel something other than misery

I am slowly going to move from this rut and this rant but I am always here for you in one form or another just as you are to me thank you for being my friend.

a friend?

yes, i am many things.....to most, i am a friend.

Welcome, Syntheticmartyr, Lily told me who you are and Im glad to see all is cool with you DF is a sanctuary, I have seen and survived a few dark days here and came out all the better for it. i really hope you trip works out, if I didnt have a wedding to plan I'd hit the Big Easy with ya!

Hello Dirge It is definitely cool to meet you!
well I figure there's always next year ya know?? New Orleans ain't goin anywhere and I don't really seem to be going in any directions anytime soon. Perhaps I'll take a few day trips my vacation week since I can't get there.... but hey you are welcome to come with me anytime.

dirge is in canada.....ah well.

I am? oh cool, Im gonna have some real beer EH!

oh yeah i forgot he was, but hey who else would go with me besides my sister.....*looking around scratching his head*

take sebastion......he could eat the merangue off a pie or something.

lol no way ....... never happen.

I have had a weird day... you ever have one of those days where you know something is going to happen that is really important??? I have been having this feeling all day but you know what??? it's not going to be today maybe not tomorrow but soon.... I have had this feeling many times before sometimes it's good sometimes it's bad but I feel like I'm stuck in a cycle ......I am fine... I'm not like angry or depressed, etc, I don't even feel as much impending doom as I usually do .... I'm not happy but I'm not empty either....I can't explain it. all I know it's intensity is growing.....

Besides I'm not going to get to New orleans this year anyway, the bus has just been filled.... but am going to try to go next year.... so that's that.

well I have decided finally where I am going on my vacation... rather than blow it all in one location I have decided to spread the love by taking a few day trips instead.... I'm going to atlantic city for monday and tuesday, wednesday i am spending the whole day in Philly and Thursday I am going to the Big apple.... and I am going to take pictures.... gotta start off small ya know? Then next year i am going to do the salem, Mass and the New orleans trip....
didn't get my oil changed the dealership was booked solid until the 20th of this month so i scheduled it for the 23rd.... went and bought some cds ...and got a rather interesting assortment if I may add, saw that movie school of rock.... was kinda funny, had lunch at sammy's 50's style diner was pretty good... hung out with kim today ... was good to get out and socialize.... it was a good day today ... for once.

AHHH good days! few and far between sometimes and plentiful in other times.