so like, here i am, 23 and shit, college grad......and an old friend calls me up....i haven't seen this kid in about 2 yrs, but i haven't really known the kid since 5 yrs ago......he calls me up, leaves a message that he's in town, wants to see me.....i don't respond....why? cuz i don't care.....itz in the past, and he's a flaming fag (not that i hate homo's, but gah...fags are annoying) and i'm like whatever.....

now, yesterday at a wedding and old, old, friend who can't fucking stand hangs around me and my friends the entire time, he even gave my roomate a ride home.....gah

so here i sit, looking at my AIM buddy list, and on it is a name....a name of an old friend of mine....i loved this kid....i did......only guy i was attracted to as well.......but here's the story:

this kid and i were started a band together and grew to become good friends, then he starts acting like a bitch so we kicked him out of the band, and in turn i lost him as a friend

then, he comes back a few months later, apologizing, and we start to hang out again......but he's dating an ex of mine, a real "story" of love, and pain, heartache, yaddah, yaddah, yaddah.....so itz kind of weird seeing him, but we become friends again and eventually he joins this band of mine.....

but there's a problem....we need a drummer....it just happens this chick (my ex, his gf) is a drummer......so fuck it......she's in the band

all goes well, itz good and fun, but about a yr or so later, he becomes a bitch again, starts treating this chick like shit, and before i know it she's fooling around with me

then i hate him....fight with him.....try to steal his chick.....hate him.....fuck his chick when moves to florida.....but he comes back, chick dumps me, goes back to him for about a year

then, a few months ao, he visits me.....tells me they broke up for good....he lives over yonder....and all we talk about is movies and music, like old times.....

he IM'd me a few times......we never took our names off of each others list.....but i sit here, and i wonder if i should just delete his name......like, i loved him to death, but itz in the past.....time to move on, y'know......besides, we were best friends and totally ruined our friendship over a girl.....is it even worth rekindling what we had? who cares? do i?

i don't think so.....

I cut myself off from my "old friends".

It made a hell of a lot better off.

I had 6 close friends from high school. We all joined the military, but when we all eventually returned home, we were close again. That lasted for years. I think it was just a natural process of starting to annoy each other over time. We drifted apart over the space of a year. It was a good thing. You should not spend that much time with someone you aren't fucking.

hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha......interesting

Hummmm......Now ya know it's all about what you consider as a friend ..
To self ,if self calls you a friend thats a big deal ...,self will do just about anything for you and expects the same ..now if your just a good acquaintance we can hang out and whatever but your not getting the keys to the car ...

Oddly enough self too has this mental struggle as well only a little less messy ..

It's the do I spend $50.00 or more just to find my best friend who I havent talked to in 10 years ?
Ya see we both moved at the same time so thats what caused the lack of communication but even with out that we had been apart 6 years and had kinda said our good byes over time with both of us changeing .

Ye see Self has this system ( getting outdated ?) ..One of the requirements to become my friend is that we have to beat a video game together ..at first glance that might sound shallow ,but if a person can cover my ass in the electronic world and prove them self my equal or better , we not only share a victory but build a bond etc.
And Im very picky about Who I call friend anyways ,so this helps lol . You also must merge in title on the great board of score ..thus the earning and proving of ones tilte ..

Shuch as HW-NBA,IVD-JAM ,IVD-TAZ,IVD-VAR,CHR-IVD,and last IVD-DRU ..Ive only had two friends who this didnt apply to ,one was pre co-op games and the other I married but we did beat one Hero's of Might and Magic game together lol ..

I miss these guys all the time esp.Taz since he was killed back in 1994 ,so its not like we had time to realy grow apart like with the others ( ya know the whole move away thing etc.) , I see VAR all the time yet he's now Zen or ZENROTH now days ,CHR and NBA were friends of the time,we had alot of good times but not a lot of time together less than 6 months so not quite as strong a bond .. ,And ol DRU well theres just no place in my current life style for me to support a starving artist type who's 6 ft' tall missing most of his hair ( due to over dyeing ) and dresses to scare the shit out of little kids, old ppl and Circle-K workers ..but i think of hunting him down from time to time too .
But the greatest of these was JAM who later changed to JR because he no longer felt that he was still what JAM was about ( but we knows better lol ) ..Like I said ppl change with time .. heh heh Im no longer as carefree or willing to take risks as I was as IVD or in my true IVD days lol ..Infact ZEN reminds me all the time of what a pussy ive become like when I wouldnt go past practice swords in the LIVE STEEL Sword group we were part of .because I felt I get hurt enough with being hit with wood and didnt want to get hit with a metal sword dull bladed or not !! ,but as IVD I would have done it ..Im OLDER NOW and Wiser yes...and a hell of a lot more busted up lol ..

However I beleve that once I can justifi spending the cash I will pay someone the $ 50.00 to find his ass because Id like to know how things are going for him etc.

It's just we'll never have the connection we once had ,so I have to think is it worth it?
and as best as I can tell we've both moved on in life ..

So just think how it feels when there realy gone .. Id leave his name on the list out of respect for an old Comrade..because as long as you see it ,you will remember him ..

I don't have a list of friends. I think friendship is about who you need at a certain point in your life. My old friends forgot me a long time ago (I mean those high school and university friends), probably without any reason, but who cares. I don't need any female friends now, I have a great man and he is my best friend, and my family are my friends, too, because I can always count on them, and that's it. Maybe it's selfish but it works for me, and for my old friends from school, too, I guess.

well i had high school friends, but none of them were concidered a friend.... they were mainly people who i hanged out with... but do you ever see me hanging out with them? no that i don't... why? because it was in the past and its over with... besides people come and people go... we keep on meeting new circle of people, and flush out the old circle of people... and it just keeps on getting more and more different on getting new people as well as flushing out the friends....

Alot of my friends from high school have not stayed in touch things have changed to much between then and now. I try not to get to close to people cause I feel that at some point they are gonna walk out of my life so I try not to sacrifice a bit of myself everytime I meet someone.

how do you make your self no so attached to people? i get attached to people and that is seriously sad... because i should know that people never really last that long with you to begin with.

I guess you could call it having a "wall" up i only let so much of myself be known and don't tend to show feelings much...not letting people in knowing secrets and whatnot...Kinda weird to explain

I'm rather reserved with new people, too. I try to get to know about them as much as I can, but I won't let them know too much about me

a lot of the people i know have attempted or completed suicide...its really hard for me to deal with because i've gone through the same things...i find talking to people about their problems helps to strengthen a friendship, depending on the circumstances.

okay, not to get back on topic.....but i'll have you know, i deleted his name from my AIM list....thatz a step in the right direction.....i think

nice avy silver

they come they go, and sometimes it's sad, but you can never live in the past - because then you arent really living are you?

check it - friend of 15 years, known each other since we were like...3. grew up living next to one another. totally different personalities but best buds none the less. Hit high school - I fell into success, top of the class -she...she kind of withered and turned into such a stupid, stupid person. Im sad about her. When her mother died, we kind of connected again for a few months but that passed...it's really a sad case- and there was no way I could help her.

I know I have hundred of other stories - all basically ending because - fuck, people change. I changed. and I will be damned if Im gonna go back and try to be that sweet, innocent little catholic girl everyone thought I was.

hmph. that's enough from me I think.

I have friends that I don't see for years, then we catch up and have a coffee and chat and don't see each other for another year. We might have very few things in common but if either of us ever called for help the other would be there. Friends don't have to live in your back pocket and you don't have to have everything in common with them to appreciate them.