Anorexia and Bulimia as a 'Lifestyle' - Page 3 - Darkforum.com - Dark Stories, Dark Art, Poetry, Photography, Debates and Discussions

velvet · 04-26-03

eh.. good point. ok so im chubby. uckie me

Sybs · 04-27-03

you're curvy sweetums. you probably have bigger boobs than me and you're younger! its not fair!

velvet · 04-30-03

i have boobs because im chubby. id be an A cup if i wasnt fat. its in my blood.

silverflame · 04-30-03

you're not fat, sweetie, you're perfect exactly the way that you are.

velvet · 04-30-03

uh huh.. perfect.. exactly how i am

except everything there is about me

surreal · 05-01-03

at 16 i weighed 170 lbs. i'm too lazy to convert that to kilos.

i'm now 20 and i weigh 140. this is not unique to women.

don't feel alone. i'm not losing or gaining weight now, because if i gain weight i will want to lose it. fluctuating weight is destructive to the heart. it's better to level off on a feasible weight. i have levelled off for nearly a year now and the body has adapted. i've accustomed myself to eating salads of spinach and cheese ALL the time.
it's not a matter of getting back to eating three square meals a day. it's a matter of getting back to where you're getting nutrition again.
one thing anoretics MUST do is throw away their scales. here is an example of why:
a boy's mother divorces his real dad and marries a man named juan garcia.
the boy is in no way spanish.

a picture in the yearbook depicts him and below is a caption reading "(Left) Shane Tallman chews on his pencil while Seth Garcia looks on."

If someone reads this caption and looks at Seth, they are inclined to "see" hispanic features on his face. The last name totally throws them off.

How does this apply to an anoretic and his/her scale?
the anoretic wants to weight 112 and so she jumps on her scale and sees 115. now she will step in front of the mirror and see "fat" in the caption because she is over her goal.

if she had never taken the time to get on the scale and simply looked in the mirror,she might say to herself, "i'm looking thin today." but the scale captions and prepares her to see a failure.

I roughly estimate my weight is 140 or somewhere slightly above. I refuse to step on a scale as I was a full blown male anoretic and I am terribly afraid of falling back into the habit.

nosebleeds, tingling gums, spots in my vision..
it's a real trip.

Sybs · 05-02-03

when im upset I barely eat. I dont weigh myself because I know I have dense bones (unless thats just another lie to stop me being so obsessive) and also im scared to, because I know I weigh too much.

I can see myself impartially (sounds schizotype) and how crazy I am, but it doesnt stop me.

I think I will always be like this.

surreal · 05-02-03

yes. admitting it will always be with you is part of dealing with it before it kills you. it's very reminiscent of an addiction..
if it isn't one.

TeArS · 05-03-03

eating disorders...ah evil little things. its funny how they change your ways of thinking.
you see and you see fat. you get on the scale you dont see numbers you see fat. you take a good look at your caved in stomach and you still see fat. you stop mensterating and you ignore it who gives a shit right? it was never fun to begin with. you loose your breasts, oh well...a couple of new bras dont cost much, or better yet why wear one at all!?

its sick, so so sick. and im trying, honestly trying to fix me. =o/

oh yes, and i got my first "diet" tips from pro ana sites. how helpfull. how disgusting.

surreal · 05-03-03

heheh. i can't say i've dealt with lack menstruation, but i can say i've dealt with the lack of libido. oh have i. you lose interest in a lot of life's little pleasures, not just eating.

you just want love don't you tears? sybelle?
that's where it all stems from. and the worst part is, the world will never love you for who you are. it will always be what you have. (appearances, the ability to manipulate your flesh, power.)
you know what though? don't blame the men for putting this in your head.
the women have put it in mine.

it's people. love won't come from people. we have to start looking somewhere else.

Sybs · 05-03-03

I have love, I just want more

velvet · 05-03-03

yes, its about love. sometimes i feel love.. and everything is ok. and its almost too easy to forget the fact that i am overwieght. i look at skinny people and just see people.. not people thinner or prettier then me.. just people. i feel accepted, i feel beautiful. i feel loved. i can look at other overweight people and teLL them that they honestly are beautiful. and then BOOM something happens.... like there is just that one rude fucking person that has to comment about me being fat.. or other people being fat, and then i instantly hate myself again and feel like i can never be loved. who wants a fat little girl anyway??

ive gone through this today.... yesterday i wore a nice outfit that i thought made me look reaLLy pretty.. even sexy. i was feeling great. and then this morning i woke up and showered and shaved and did my hair and put on some make up and felt like a goddess. and then i go on the computer and onto darkforum and read some posts by some people (not mentioning any names) about other people being overweight.. and ugly. things went downhiLL................ i havnt eaten anything aLL day.... spent an hour on tredmil and another hour sizing myself up in front of the mirror. now i feel disgusting and pitiful and fat. who wants a fatass right??? who??

Sybs · 05-03-03

dont talk like that babe, you're a beauty. I know far more men who like women with a bit of meat on them than men who want stick insects.

starving yourself is not the answer. No-one who is still growing should be on any form of diet.

You are still in adolescence- next month you may grow 8 inches and become really slim, you just dont know. When you come to the end of your growing years you always lose weight, your figure balances itself out.

velvet · 05-03-03

i havnt grown an inch in more then 3 years... and i just keep gaining weight.

Sybs · 05-03-03

Puberty is unpredictable. See it out before you get drastic.

velvet · 05-03-03

ookk

but im stiLL fat so there!

Sybs · 05-03-03

you arent fat sweety, you are nice and curvy. fat means over 200lbs.

velvet · 05-03-03

damn... ok weLL im not there yet...

about 160 lbs here... meh.. fat

Sybs · 05-03-03

you are not fat. take it from someone who has been there and got the XXXL t-shirt, you are not fat.

velvet · 05-03-03

*-*looks at the tag in her shirt*-*

large.. damnit.

ok you win.