1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me the hell alone.


2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.

5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be
promoted.

6. No one is listening until you fart.

7. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

9. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a
warning to others.

10. It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

11. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

12. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their
shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

13. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

14. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to
fish, and he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day.

15. If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

16. Don't squat with your spurs on. (For the Texans in the audience)

17. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

18. If you drink, don't park; accidents cause people.

19. Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.

20. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

21. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

22. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and
put it back in your pocket.

23. Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

24. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

25. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side & a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

26. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

27. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.

28. Experience is something you get just after you need it.

29. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

30. We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.

the one-armed man deals cards slowly.

ummmm, i just wanted to post

Very Nice, but the last one is the best.

But if you ask me, the last one has a lot to do with the man's mind!!!!



He likes his women naked and wet, and well he is ALWAYS hungry!!!!

Keep that is mind ladies......

BTW.... this only works if the man is straight!!!

Bravo!!you made me laugh, and I'm still grinning! Thanks

I like all of those.. my personal faves are 9,17, 20, and 29

my response to #30 is: I want to go out of this world the way i came into it, naked and screaming between the legs of a woman...

I want to leave this world the way I entered, bald, purple, and covered in goo.

Doesn't sound too bad.... I wouldn't mind going out the same way!!!!!

Congrats to the smart man..... angelfishy....... but he still seems a little fishy even with the angel in front of his name!!

My fave is the duct tape one

if you find yourself alone, at least you know your not lost

never feed a stray, theyll come back lonley hungry and expecting sex


ahhh those suck sorry for posting them ...

hehehe... fishy, fishy, fishy, fish! We are all fish, just a-swimmin out to sea....

and who said i was a man anywho? : )

Religous comedy. Hmm guess it can be here then.

I'm not a fish..... I'm a bird swimming underwater!!!!!!!

*SMILES*

Well I heard they are doing experiments like that now-a-days.....

As for the man comment..... it was generalization..... you know "what up man?"

You are never sure in this forum what sex anyone here is... So I say we are all unisex!!!!! hehehehehehe..... uh yes.... I got to go now....

*runs out the thread*