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gArGOyLe^^ · **Nine most badass bible verses -** 11-28-07

Quote:

We've all been there. You're walking along, minding your own business, when a gang of cocky, young bastards start hurling abuse at you. Most of us would just keep walking, or maybe, yell some insults back or flip them the bird. Elisha (commonly regarded as the Luke Skywalker to the Prophet Elijah's Obi-Wan Kenobi), however, decides to take it one step further. Invoking the name of God, he summons motherfucking bears to come and claw the shit out of them.

Christians are constantly asking for prayer in schools to help get today's kids in line, but we beg to differ. We need bears in schools. If every teacher had the power to summon a pair of child-maiming grizzly avengers, you can bet that schoolchildren nowadays would be the most well-behaved, polite children, ever. It's a simple choice: listen to the biology lesson, or get first-hand knowledge of the digestive system of Ursus horribilis.

It should be pointed out that even after his death, Elisha continued to kick ass. II Kings 13:20-21 tells us that when a dead body was thrown into his tomb and touched Elisha's bones, it sprang back to life. It's unknown whether Elisha had this power in life, as well as death, but we like to think he did and that he had the habit of killing his victims with bears, resurrecting them, and then promptly re-summoning the bears to kill them, again. He'd just repeat the whole thing over and over until he got bored.

The 9 Most Badass Bible Verses | Cracked.com

Jordyn · 11-28-07

oh thank you gargoyle, i needed a laugh like that.

"It's brilliant in its simplicity, and we're surprised religious debates were ever carried out any other way after that. You can raise all the intellectual challenges you want about faith and the origins of the universe, but at the end of the day, you have to worship the god who can set you on fire. It's common sense. We like to think Elijah stood in front of the howling column of heavenly fire, straightened his robes, turned to the crowd and said, "Thus, my opponent's argument falls." Then, he finished the debate in the way that all debates should be finished: by having the losers slaughtered."

oh man...what clever fellows.

HAL 9000 · **Bears -** 11-29-07

Yeah, I agree, I needed a good laugh too.

Killer Bears for God!

LOOK OUT!

InKY · 12-09-07

I'm unable to resolve the vengeful orders of the Old Testament Gd with the merciful commands of Jesus. One must either assume the OT stories are religious interperetations of successful battles ("Gd must have been on our side") or accept that it was somehow OK to kill for religion Back Then, but not now. After hearing my pastor stepfather add Gd into stories of incidents I witnessed very differently, I lean toward the first explanation.

gArGOyLe^^ · 12-09-07

And the question to ask is, "Can a human really be more compassionate than a GOD?" Clearly, that seems to be the case because I couldn't get my self to turn innocent people into stone just because they did the twist instead of the tango or something as trivial as that.

Taoist27

What about "Jesus wept." ? My personal fav.

Tozzy

What about it?

Please post it and share it with us, for those of us who aren't up on bible passages.

Sanjay

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tozzy

What about it?

Please post it and share it with us, for those of us who aren't up on bible passages.

Jesus Wept is the entire verse.

Tozzy

As in that's all that's said?

huh? am i missing something here or...

The Fool

how often did the hebrew get punished by god for not killing everyone, burning everything down and then salting the ground like he told them to. i know at least once.

Tozzy

Is that a bible verse?

please cite your source.

The Fool

not sure. somewhere in the old testament. they were fighting a city and god told them to kill everything people animals everything. burn everything incluing the stored grain. they didn't and got punished for it. or something close to that happened.

Tozzy

Please be sure of your facts before you state you 'know at least one'

That's not really a bad-ass bible verse anyway.

Jordyn

i don't know about bible verses, but they have some interesting stories, like yael's

she did it so good, they even wrote a poem for her.