actually, a lot has changed...i realized many of my behaviors weren't conducive to a higher state of humanhood. i've reassessed why i chose to pursue those activities and have found a facet to help confirm that i wasn't a very good person; sorry to disappoint, but i'm not longer swinging, have no desire to deal with any more men than those i have in my life now, and only my husband is of the sexual nature.

my life isn't "oh-so-difficult" it's actually quite wonderful, i have a deeper relationship with my husband, a closer patience with my children, we've moved into a larger home with a front and back yard, mia has friends from school down the block and i'm realizing i already have what i need to be complete, a desire to be more wholesome in my life, no longer feeling empty and seeking fufillment in insubstantial promises of physical pleasure. i am in the process of eliminating many of my negative habits and understanding that if i can be forgiven, i can forgive anyone, for anything...that's not something that should be exclusive to a God that may or may not be, depending on belief.

my "new" christian friends, are more glad that i've chosen to reject those behaviors, finding it a glorious testament to God, that i've been able to see the error of my ways, rather than dwelling on the fact that i was not a very, wholesome person. celebrating that i chose to be saved, planning a spring time baptism at a local lake, rather than continuing to pursue a lifestyle that was leading to a very bad end, even my very wiccan friend is happy to see how my life has changed, and acknowledges that maybe christianity was a good choice; for me.

it's sort of emotionally freeing, realizing that the only one that can judge me is greater than any mortal man, freely forgiving those who are genuinely apologetic for their offenses, and having once been human, perhaps has more of an understanding, than many give Him credit for; it's sort of nice being able to read a passage and apply it to my life, rather than spreading out cards, consulting spirits or any of the other "sorceries" the bible forbids His children from engaging in.

i don't have the memory to thump the bible, nor the desire to enforce my interpretations of the passages upon others, they'll find their salvation when and where they need to, but i'm not ashamed that i've changed my path in life, proud to demonstrate that, and i'm now more content being a spoiled wife and good mother, going to dessert nights with the ladies from the church, potlucks twice a month after church and have a variety of activities to choose from, with pleasant families that don't encourage naughty or nasty behaviors.

those enjoyments, i'm now discovering are best in bed, with someone you genuinly love and have emotion for; rather than based in lust and base physical needs.

crutch or not, i've improved my life, and all it required was a little shift in my egotism that was convincing me i was right, regardless of what my life was demonstrating.

so be as bitter as you want, why should your negativity bother me any longer?

i have more than enough care and love in my life; than to worry about it...perhaps you should reassess some of your behaviors?

Good for you. Dont mind fr0g, he is just looking for a nerve.

Hey, its a step up, Christianity is a little less stupid than that Pagan shit. So congrats.

Personally I prefer to take responsibility for my own destiny.

you want to rethink that?

Really, it should be "Majik", but the phonetics of the English languages are royally fucked. I hate soft g's, though. We have the letter j for a reason, people.

We could almost fix the consonants by refusing to let g be a j, ditching the useless x, q, and c (which are simply ks, kw, and s-or-k respectively), and replacing them with "sh", "th", and "ch", respectively, but that leaves us with the problem of 5 vowel letters and 12 vowel sounds...

Anyway, yeah, DarkSilence, the problem is that most of the people on here came here to make fun of goths and wiccans, and we drove all the actual people into random occult stuff away quite a while ago. So, while I understand the confusion, this isn't a very good place to come to if you want an open and positive conversation about your meditations or tantra or whatever-the-eff.

Also, pre-destination isn't inherent to Christianity.

on some level, i am...i choose where to put my faith, it just needs an Overseer. sort of like the militiary, but for a soul.

seriously though, it's really fascinating being able to actually see both sides of an arguement having agreed with one side, and now agreeing with the other. Especially when i can admit there's an irrationality about both sides, it's really forced me to reconsider a lot of what i believe in, value, and what's truly important for my life to flourish, rather than a sugar high, licking the frosting off.

everyone believes in something, even if it's in nothing; but at what point does an inspiring belief become a tyrannical reign...no matter what a person believes in, it's that aspect that seems to doom it?

history is full of people who have successfully used it for their own means, using charisma to get the following they need; why else can religion stir such angering passions other than the power it can wield over us?