[ArSiNiK]

here it is, post some jokes. good, bad, corny, disgusting, racial, i don't care. but here's a **warning: if you are easily offended or don't like to laugh, then don't read this thread.** with that being said, i'll start...


i told my girlfriend i wanted to fuck her between the tits. she said 'how you gonna make that feel good for me?' i told her 'well, when i come, i'll stop punching you in the face!"


whats the difference between a woman in church and a woman in a bath tub?

one has hope in her soul...


whats the best thing about fucking twenty eight year olds....

....there is twenty of them.



what's black and sits at the top of the stairs?

christopher reeve in a house fire.




a girl comes home from school...

"mommy, today we did counting at school and all the other kids could only count up to five but I could count to ten! is it because i'm blonde, mommy?"

"yes, darling. it's because you're blonde."

the girl comes home from school the following day...

"mommy! guess what? today we were doing the alphabet and all the other kids could only go as far as 'g' but i went as far as 'm'. is it because i'm blonde, mommy?"

"yes darling, it's because you're blonde."

the girl comes home the day after that....

"mommy, today we were doing gym and all the other girls had flat chests, but i had these....", the girl pulls up her top to reveal a stunning set of 36D breasts....

"is it because i'm blonde, mommy?"

"no, dear. it's because you're 25."



what's the difference between pink and purple?

your grip.



a girl approaches her father and asks him if she can have ten dollars to go to the movies. "sure you can," he says, "but you're going to have to suck my dick first."
so the girl starts sucking her dad's dick and after a few cursory licks looks up at him with a disgusted look on her face. "dad, your dick kind of tastes like shit."
"yeah," he says, "earlier your brother asked if he could borrow the car."


a white man walks into a bar and says to the black bartender. "nigger,
get me a beer." the bartender replies, "excuse me?" "did you not hear
me? i said 'nigger get me a beer.'" the bartender, now very upset,
says, "don't you feel that you should talk like that in this day and
age." "i will if i want to," said the white man. "i'm the one ordering."
the bartender says, "how would you feel if we changed places?" the white
man agrees and goes behind the counter. the black man, now the customer
says, "cracker jack asshole, get me a beer". the white man turns to the
black man and says, "we don't serve niggers!"


who is the greatest jewish cook ever?

hitler.


what do u do when someone is having a seizure in a bath tub?

throw dirty laundry in.



there's a black guy, a puerto rican guy and a mexican in a car, who's driving?

the police.



what's the cuban national anthem?

row, row, row your boat...



how come there aren't any puerto rican's in star trek?

'cause they don't work in the future either.



how long does it take a french woman to shit?

9 months.




how do you know if you have a high sperm count?

she has to chew before she swallows!




what do you call a black man who uses a condom?

a crimestopper.




how do you fix a woman's watch?

you don't, there's a clock on the oven.




a black lady has 12 sons, and names each of them robert. when asked if that was confusing, she said, "not really. i just call 'em all by their last names."



how do you know if a chink robbed your house?

your homework is done, the computer is upgraded, but two hours later the mother fucker is still trying to back out of your driveway!




what's got two legs and bleeds?

half a dog..




what is a redneck virgin?

a seven year old girl that can run faster than her brothers.

[Mia~ow]

I only have one for now.

Why do Brides wear white?

To match the rest of the kitchen appliances.

[Mia~ow]

Wait! I've been inspired!!

Mommy mommy!! must we visit Grandma?

Shut up and keep digging!

[ArSiNiK]

hahaha...


a priest and a rabbi are walking down a street and they see a kid playing hopscotch on the footpath. the priest tells the rabbi "hey i'm gonna fuck that little kid" the rabbi says "out of what?"



Two men, one a Michigan fan, and one an Ohio State fan, are walking on a beach, when they come upon a genie lamp. They rub it, and the genie pops out, and grants each of them one wish. The Michigan fan says "I live in a wonderful state, but all these assholes from all over the county come in and screw it up. So I wish for a 200' tall concrete wall around michigan to keep all of them out." And 'poof,' it was done. Then it comes to the OSU fan, and he asks the genie, "Tell me more about this wall." So the genie informs him that it's 200' tall, made of 5 feet of solid concrete, and there's no way in or out except over the wall. So the OSU stands there and thinks for a couple minutes, and then he says: "Fill it up with water."



What's the difference between a Jersey girl and a bowling ball?

You can only get 3 fingers in the bowling ball.



A boy and his father are on the beach, and the son walks up to his dad as he is smoking a cigarette.
Son: "Dad? Can I have a cigarette?"
Dad: "Does your dick touch your ass?"
Son: "Well... no."
Dad: "Then no!"
--
A little later, his father is drinking a beer and he asks again...
"Dad can I have a beer?"
"Does your dick touch your ass, son?"
"Well, no, it doesn't."
"No, you can when you can touch your ass with your dick."
--
The next day the son is sitting on the porch, eating some cookies and drinking milk when his dad gets home...
Dad: "Son, those look mighty good, mind if i have a few?"
Son: "Does your dick touch your ass?"
Dad: "It sure does!"
Son: "Then go fuck yourself!"

[sixxx(sic)six]

a girl comes home from school...

"mommy, today we did counting at school and all the other kids could only count up to five but I could count to ten! is it because i'm blonde, mommy?"

"yes, darling. it's because you're blonde."

the girl comes home from school the following day...

"mommy! guess what? today we were doing the alphabet and all the other kids could only go as far as 'g' but i went as far as 'm'. is it because i'm blonde, mommy?"

"yes darling, it's because you're blonde."

the girl comes home the day after that....

"mommy, today we were doing gym and all the other girls had flat chests, but i had these....", the girl pulls up her top to reveal a stunning set of 36D breasts....

"is it because i'm blonde, mommy?"

"no, dear. it's because you're 25."

i heard that exact same one, only with "nigger" in place of "blonde"....and instead, itz the black boy notices his penis is longer than the white boy's....



i always thought this one was kinda cute....

So there's these two whales swimmin' out and about, when one of the whales notices a whaling-ship. He turns to the other whale and says "Hey! There's a whalin' ship!"

Other whale asks "What should we do?"

First whale says "Let's go blow the ship over!"

So they go up, use their blow holes to knock the ship over, and they continue swimming along. But then the first whale says "Dammit! All the men aboard the ship are floatin' in the water with life-jackets!"

Second whale asks "What should we do?"

First whale says "Let's go eat 'em!"

Second whale says "Whoa, hey now...hold up. I didn't mind the blow-job, but I ain't eatin' the seamen!"





and here's a nasty one for ya....

What's black and blue and hates sex?

Someone who just got raped....



oh yeah, and another....

what do pink floyd and Dale Earnhardt have in common?

their last big hit was the wall....

[isanon]

whats got four legs and one arm

a pittbull in a childrens playground

[syphilis]

How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris?


Nobody knows, it's never been tried.

----------------------------------------------------

What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?


The Army.

[Felony Queen]

Why was Osama frightened when he went down on the Iraqi woman?

He saw bush.

This white man was walking along the beach and finds a lamp. He rubs it and out comes three pretty genies, the first one says we will each give you one wish.
The next day the white man woke up in a huge house, lots of money and pretty women. That afternoon three KKK members come knocking on his door and hang him fro a tree.

The three genies walk away shaking their heads, the first one says,
"I understand the house and money."

The second one says, "I even understand the pretty women."

The third one still confused says, "But I will never understand why he wanted to be hung like a black man!"

[(antihero)]

A couple was watching a Discovery Channel special about an African bush tribe whose men all had penises 24 inches long. According to the program, when a male reaches a certain age, a string is tied around his penis and on the other end is a weight. After a while, the weight stretches the penis to 24 inches.

Later that evening as the husband was getting out of the shower, his wife looked down at him and said, "How about we try the African string-and-weight procedure?" The husband agreed and they tied a string and weight to his penis.

A few days later, the wife asked the husband, "How is our little tribal experiment coming along?"

"Well, it looks like we're about half way there," he replied.

"Wow!" she exclaimed. "You mean it's already grown to 12 inches?"

"No...it's turned black."

[EnRaPTuRe]

Why dont black people have dreams?

- Cause the last one who did got shot.

Did you hear about the Jewish wife who told her husband, "Give me 10 inches and make it hurt?"

- So he fucked her twice and threw her down the stairs.

What do you do if you see a french guy floppin around on the ground?

- Stop laughin and reload

What do you call a bunch of mexicans standing around the outside of your house?

- A SPICket fence

[Wicked Lady]

How do you stop black kids from jumping on your bed?
Put velcro on the celing.



How do you stop a nigger from hanging around in your front yard?
Hang him in the back.



Why do niggers put their garbage out in clear plastic bags?
So mexicans can window shop.



What do you call a room full of jewish women with yeast infections?
A whine and cheese party.

[EnRaPTuRe]

What do you call an anorexic chick with a yeast infection?

- Quarter pounder with cheese

What was missing from the Million Man March?

- An auctioneer

What do 200 women at the battered wives shelter all have in common?

- None of them know how to listen.

Whats the first thing a woman does after leaving the battered wives shelter?

- the dishes if she knows whats good for her.

[Alpha]

Ok, I'll say ONE.

Yo mamma so fat, her belly button has an echo.

Does that count as a joke?

[sixxx(sic)six]

whatz sad about four niggers goin' over a cliff in a volvo?
a volvo seats six...

why are niggers always killing one another in the ghetto?
who gives a shit, they're niggers...

why don't niggers take aspirin?
they refuse to pick out the cotton...

how do you reunite Pantera?
with 3 more bullets......(i know, i know...itz so horrible....RIP Dimebag)

[Cucking Funt]

What did one gay sperm say to another gay sperm?

"How the hell are we gonna find an egg in all this shit?"

[sixxx(sic)six]

ha!

okay, here's a really stupid gay one for ya...

so Chester gets done fuckin' Charlie, and now itz Charlie's turn to fuck Chester....so, Charlie starts fuckin' Chester when the phone rings....Chester complains and says "I'll get the phone, but while I'm gone, you better not whack off!"

when Chester returns he notices cum all over the bedsheet....."I told you not to whack off, dammit!" he bitches....

Charlie says "I didn't! I farted..."

stupid huh?



okay, here's a slightly better one....

So this guy is one a safari in one of dem der African countries when he decides to go off venturin' on his own. Lo-and-behold, he steps in quicksand. Well, he starts to sink when all of a sudden another person walks by. "Hey buddy," he says, "Can you help me out here?"

The man says, "Only if you suck my dick."

So he says, "Fuck you!"

So, the man leaves and this guy continues to sink. He's getting worried 'cuz the quicksand is now up to his waist. And what should happen...another man comes strollin' by. "Hey dude," he says, "Think you can help me out here?"

The man says, "Only if you suck my dick."

So he says, "Go fuck yourself!"

So, the man leaves and this guy sinks some more. Now he's really worried. Only his head is sticking out. And who would've thunk it, another guy comes strolling by. "Hey man," he now pleads, "Please get me out of here...I'll suck your dick."

The man thinks about it for a second, then walks up and steps on the dude's head...."Fuckin' faggot!"




okay, here's anutter....you've prolly heard this before....

So, let's say you're out camping with some buddies. You have some drinks, maybe smoke a joint, and you pass out in your tent. When you wake up in the morning, your ass is sore and bloody, and a used condom is stuck to your face. Would you tell anybody?

No? Well then, you wanna go campin'?

[Jobe]

What happened to the humor board we used to have here?

[syphilis]

I hate you all for telling racial jokes.






























What do you get if youve got 3 mexicans, 1 chinese guy, and a bunch of blacks stading in your front yard?



A sprinkler...spic spic spic CHINK! nigga nigga nigga nigga