what are your sleeping habits,
as in what you do before you go to bed (if you have a routine)
or if you sleep talk, sleep walk etc.



me.. i'm not aware of this but apparently i twitch constantly..
my b/f is to scared to wake me up lol... i'm gonna tape myself sleeping i wanna see me twitch!

oh i forgot.. i do the normal thing.. shower, brush teeth, take any nesessary medicaton then talk on the phone until i cant be stuffed responding to questions

Whats sleep?

..

..eh..people say I talk in me sleep..never believed them until I actually recorded meself..

..mostly incoherent babble..though some bits of it almost made me remember a dream..

*shrugs* Suppose it's like when a dog twitches n' growls in its sleep..body may be at rest, but mind is still active..if not moreso than when awake..

..pesky reality always getting in de way..

JOBE!

I will not sleep until you put another one of your gorgeous graphics into your profile! *cries*

I mean that! Your profile always brings a smile to my face, seeing the simple beauty of your avatars and signature pics... where did they all go?

~hugs~

Xxx-SIN-xxX

aww! poor jobe ... have you tried any type of medication?

if you do.. dont bother with the natural herbal stuff... they take a while.. a long while to kick in!

Its 6 days since I remember anything called sleep. I not even sure if I do any more.

The alcohol use to help but I a trying to quit, 9 days sober i think, not even sure about that anymore. Not sure what is real anymore. I'm kinda fucked up. Been feeling real happy as of late but I don't even know whats going on. Why should i be happy, what have i ever done to deserve any of this. An angel loves me and all I can do is fucking wonder why, can even accept it.

the graphics are shit, just bits of my head and nt even the good bit at that. my head just wants to explode, all these thoughts a these reasons values ideas echos sounds trapped like a scream in water they make no sound to hear but in this head

i want tosleep

Jobe you are entitled to your viewpoint, but not right now.

Right now, you are dwelling on the flaws that you perceive within the work that you do, because you alone know how much potential you have to fulfill. And you are very capable, of fulfilling it. Even if you don't see it, other people do.

Your graphics work is NOT shit, you have a gift that many do not possess, and we are blessed to have been allowed to view it, and partake in it through you doing up friends pictures. The wrongs that were done to you throughout your life, are not your fault.... and while you may perceive them as such I assure you they are the sins of another, not yours.

If ever there was an angel to walk amongst us here who dwell in darkness, Jobe, it is you. And I would be willing to put a money bet on that you are just as much of a real angel in real life too. When one spends so much of their life with their personal flaws so large in their mind, they often lose sight of their attributes and assets. You have many... many attributes and excellent qualities about you Jobe, and it is a shame that you cannot see that for yourself.

I could, and I would list them off here, however I will not. The realization that onesself is worth something, has to come from that person themself, for it to be truly meaningful to that person. I hope you can look beyond that which has held your attention for so long, and made your finer qualities (of which there are FAR more) difficult to perceive -- and see what a wonderful person you truly are.

Xxx-SIN-xxX

Im just sittng here alone again, its 8:50 am, been sitting here since 8 pm last night. what a sad fucker i am, my routine for each day, fuck I'd be here 24/7 if i didn't have shitty dial up and needed the phone during the day.

So I sit here writing shitty poems to try and empty my fucked up head and tryng and get the images out, try and tal some sense now and then and help people if I can.


the fact i am posting this is ia probablly trying to validate my own exsistance in the fact maybe someone listens, maybe I make a difference in this world, then maybe not.

I can't sleep, my mind just rejects the idea, been doing it 20 years, drygs don't do shit make me hyper and paranoid to fuk.

all I cn do is listen to musc and try and relax the best I can, talk to people and chat and try to make it throught the night, days are shit thou, no frineds here and no net boo hoo hoo woe is me what a lil gothy wanker I sound.

but yeahno sleeping sucks, enda story

Angel, sweet Sini if only you knew, this skin hides so many demons that I forget my true face, i am a evil waking in the shape of man, my pains have washed away the good in me and the night calls my name in many colors


stay away, well away

Even the purest of angels has demons they must battle...
Just because you have lost sight of the good that lies so strongly within you, doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

Xxx-SIN-xxX

True Face

I see an angel that has fought a lot of demons, is still fighting demons, but is still an angel nonetheless.

Xxx-SIN-xxX

then keep looking cos you ain't seeing the truth

*Jabs Jobe in the ribs rather harshly*

WRONG!

I have an objective view, unwarped and delusioned by your own perceptions of yourself which have been twisted by a lifetime of unfair happenings. You have been beating down your own self esteem along with everybody else as some kind of justification method for the treatment you got, and have grown so used to that explanation it has rendered you incapable of viewing things any other way for the time being.

I don't have that problem, thus my opinion counts more. Anyways, if you're so "horrible" then that means my opinion counts more anyways, thus the "horrible" people don't get a say in what they think they are, and I am telling you that you are not horrible that you are an angel.

HA! I win. Argue THAT!

Xxx-SIN-xxX

Just made this JUST for you

~grins~

I absolutely love that... *smiles* Thanks.....

And Jobe love...look a little less deep on your own behalf. Like I said, you are so far buried under the bullshit of your own life you can't see the own light of love that you share with others on this forum. You have touched the lives of many... of that I can assure you. You enjoy helping others... you don't get off on making them miserable, of that I can assure you as well because I'm going to let my ego take over for a second there and let me believe I know everything. ~grins~

And because I know everything, again, in this case I am right, and you are the one who is as I have said before, lost in your own twisted self perceptions, without a way out. However, I am not looking at you from a warped standpoint save for the fact that any of my viewpoints come prewarped, but that's irrelevant to this discussion. My viewpoints here are unhindered by the years you have spent dwelling on the negative aspects of your own life, and I can see rather clearly, along with several other people, the love and life and light that you possess to share with this world.

You know, I think the only thing sadder than a person who cannot perceive the good they have to offer the world, is a person who cannot perceive the good they are already bestowing upon the world. Doesn't make you any less of a wonderful person though. Just makes your situation seem all the more tragic.

Xxx-SIN-xxX

No one but myself knows the things I have seen and no one knows the things I have done but myself, I can be my only judge and jury.


I know what I am, and it is far from an angel

What does your true face reveal when you try to make sense of mine?

What you have seen, does not necessarily make you. But it can often break you.

What you have done, yes we may not know everything but I am not laying claim to know absolutely everything, I can lay claim to knowing quite a lot of stuff that you have accomplished. Now it is 2am, so you have the unfair advantage, however if you like I will scour these forums on my next day off, and make up a list of all the people whose lives you have touched in your time here on this forum. The people whose days you have brightened with your talents, and your kindness.

Ahh well. I'm not going to chase you down the bunny hole just to make a point. You either accept it or you don't. This is all coming from a person who was one of the harshest rudest ones to ya, when you first came. Obviously something made me do an about face like that Jobe, and it sure as hell wasn't anyone else other than yourself.

Xxx-SIN-xxX