Alrighty. Time for a change.

I've been using this place as an outlet for my negative feelings and ideas, and for my personal lamentations. I always figured 'Hey, it's DARKforum, surely this is the place for it.' But there really is no place for it. It drives people away, good people who might have blessed me with their friendship.

First, I wanna apologize to a few people, though they may never read this. These are people I've hurt with my weakness, cowardace, pessimism, and worst of all, indifference. As much as I wish I could, there's nothing I can do to take back what I did.

Azilia- I'm sorry I wasn't stronger. I'm sorry I got attached to you, and that you got attached to me when I didn't have it in me to provide the friendship you needed. I'm sorry I felt more for you when I had no business doing so, considering my beliefs. I'm sorry for being a coward and running when you needed a friend.

Water- I'm sorry for what I did. I'm sorry for being careless and not taking your feelings and the feelings of the forum seriously.

Duddy- I'm sorry for that time I told you I had 3 months to live. It was childish and stupid. I'm sorry I thought nothing of toying with people on the internet.

Iron's Rite, Wicked Lady, Vero, Sphyre, Garg, IdleParis, Count Crapula, Water, Sinistress....anyone else I might have missed: I'm sorry for heaping my personal negativie bullshit on you. It did nothing but bring you down.

I'm sorry if my bullshit brought anyone else down who I didn't mention here.

So now for the resolution part: I'm gonna stop that shit. I'm gonna stop posting negative and pessimistic thoughts which are nothing more than a reflection of my own bitchings. I'm gonna stop wishing for non-existance. It's hypocratic of me, considering the other ideals I often preach on here. All that shit has to stop; it accomplishes nothing good and makes people sad.

At the core of my being, I want to be happy, as I believe everyone does. It's time to live up to my ideals, leave my hopelessness behind, and work toward what I really want.

I'm gonna post this in offtopic so hopefully more people will see it, but don't hesitate to move it if it belongs somewhere else. I'm also gonna start a thread in friendship to see if I can't spread a little happiness for a change.

Thanks for reading this.

\m/

Alright yo.

gay

Sixx I'm also sorry for the times I was mean to you.

Hmmm....

Qoji being positive...impressive. Keep it up.

Happy? sorry, whats happy? I am not familiar with that term.

*smiles*

....ow, damn that hurt

heh

One it's a relative thing, but I believe perhaps there's an underlying objective base to it.....sorta....

Well, I have been working on it. I am being told by the doctors that once the medication kicks in, it will make me see it, but of course that could take a year, so meh. Fuck that. I think they are full of crap. I guess I will believe it when I see it. So what if I am crazy. Maybe I enjoy not being sane, did they ever stop to think of that?

Thanks Red. You made me feel welcome here right from the start.

You ever get a second opinion?

Q: I never expected you to be anything or anyone but who you are. You taught me a valuable lesson, and you know I still adore you. That will not change.

You can change yourself and your motives all you want lovey - but to me you are still Q, and a dear friend and I love you for sticking by ME when I needed you.

I think I needed to let go of the ownership of this place, and I'm really ok with it now. As a matter of fact, I'm rather glad it happened because it opened me up to bigger and better things.

hun. I cannot speak for the rest, but you have been there with me when I needed grounding, and I love your loyalty and your ability to forgive. The negativity can go , but never, ever lose the honesty, k?

Yup.

...and they said the same thing?

Water I should have expected myself to be something better than who I am, but thank you for your kind words.

yup. One doc referred me to the other, who says the same thing, but also found more things as she digged deeper into my "insanity"

well either give their treatment a chance, or get some more opinions....is the best advice I can think of.

I am giving it a chance. Have been for almost 3 months now. Some days it seems to be working (a tiny bit) but then always goes back. I really don't believe what they are telling me, and don't think they can change a person the way they say they can just using drugs. I guess I will soon see though. Anyways, they are only trying to get me to see the light, nothing else will change, that I do know.