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ghettocowboy · **for men who don't have a clue -** 09-22-03

For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this guide will help you to understand just how it works. Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies:
Make the woman happy!
Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects.
Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the points system:

DUTIES
You make the bed............................................................................+ 1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows...........0
You throw the bedspread over the rumpled sheets...........................-1
You leave the toilet seat up................................................................-5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty............................0
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex.............-1
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings...............+5
... in the snow............................................................................ ....+8
... but return with beer.....................................................................-5
... and no liners.......................................................................... .......-25
You check out a suspicious noise at night...........................................0
You check out the noise and it is nothing...........................................0
You check out the noise and it is something.....................................+5
You pummel it with a six iron...........................................................+10
It's her cat............................................................................. ............-40

PARTYS
You stay by her side the entire party..................................................0
You stay by her side for awhile, then:
... leave to chat with a college drinking buddy...................................-2
... named Tiffany......................................................................... ........-4
... Tiffany is a dancer..........................................................................-10
... With breast implants.....................................................................-18

BIRTHDAYS
You remember her birthday.................................................................0
You buy her a card and flowers............................................................0
You take her out to dinner....................................................................0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sport's bar............................+1
... Okay, it is a sport's bar..................................................................-2
... and it's all-you-can-eat night............................................................-3
... and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team..............-10

A NIGHT OUT Go with a pal............................................................................. .........0
The pal is happily married................................................................+1
The pal is single.......................................................................... .......-7
... he drives a Ferrari.........................................................................-10
... with a personalized plate (GR8 NBED)..........................................-15
You take her to a movie...................................................................+2
You take her to a movie she likes......................................................+4
You take her to a movie you hate.....................................................+6
You take her to a movie you like........................................................-2
... It's called Death Cop 3..................................................................-3
... which features Cyborgs that eat humans.........................................-9
... You told her it was a foreign film about orphans..........................-15

YOU
You develop a noticable pot belly...................................................-15
You develop the pot belly but exercise to get rid of it....................+10
You develop the pot belly but resort to loose jeans and big
baggy Hawaiian shirts...................................................................-30
You say "It doesn't matter, you have one, too."................................-800

QUESTIONS
She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?" :
You hesitate in responding................................................................-10
You reply, "Where?"...........................................................................-35
You reply, "No, I think it's your ass."....................................................-100
Any other response........................................................................ ...-20

COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem:
You listen, displaying a concerned expression....................................0
You listen, for over 30 minutes............................................................+5
You relate to her problem and share a similar experience..................+50
Your mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying
"Well, what do you think I should do?".......................................-50
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV.........+100
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep...........................-200