Please post a short summary of why I should market your talents and in what you would pay me my commission.

I'm the Lovemaster. 'Nuff said.

Your commission will be paid in generous portions of my hot love action and the occasional plate of cheese fries.

Is (antihero) gonna have to choke a bitch?

Dude I'm in the UK; I can't possibly be encroaching on your turf.

You do realise that there really is no way for us to state why without sounding arrogant on some level, as there is no way to prove why. However, there is a solution to this problem: You or someone you know personally interviewing us/them for the position, which ever ones they may be

Ah, don't take it so seriously. If you can juggle peanuts with your toes I want to market your skill!

I might have to practice something like that

I can take a cherry twig and shape it into a heart with my tongue... good?

I can put on into a knot so

I can break my own teeth with mine.

Obviously (anithero)'s getting to the point.

All I gotta say is, I figured out how to make my di*k 8inches long.... Just fold that bitch in half.

*ba da bum*

So if someone told you to go fuck yourself you could? That's almost as cool as autofellatio. Best talent so far.