I didn't start writing (more than a poem or two in English) until I was well out of university. Doubt that was the reason :)

Maybe it's related to my needle phobia. Blood doesn't bother me (quite the opposite) but I can't stand needles for some reason. Maybe the idea of a knife was too much like the idea of a needle and the thought of something foreign and steel going into my flesh just subconsciously kept me from thinking of it.

Why didn't you want to say anything? Too personal?

It's not something I would ever get into, because it's obvious that you'd always go back to it whenever something goes wrong.
If you have a cigarette when you're dumped by your boyfriend and it makes you feel better, you're gonna do the same the next time, and so on, until it just becomes something you do. It's much the same as cutting, it produces adrenaline in the body which makes you feel better, a bit stronger.
When I see people with scars all over their arms (The classics: "Help me" and "Kill me" scarred into arms), it honestly disgusts me. It's a cry for help, but I honestly believe it's a pointless one, because most cutters I know try to cover it up. It's like screaming into a pillow and hoping someone's heard you.
If it's something you want to do, then by all means, go ahead and do it. I have sympathy for you, but not because you cut youself, because you're obviously distressed/depressed and you need someone to talk to.
It's amazing what a substitute a friend can be.

well, i dont think it is really something people 'decide' to go into. i dont believe people really sit and think what others will say or do about it. and its not something you will always go back to either, many people have found better alternatives and have stuck with them. i am, however, glad you decided not to do this. it isnt a very constructive way to let out pain.

Some people do it as a release, but I do know people who do it because their friends do it, or they think it's 'cool'. There was a grrl in my friends class who just used to sit in class stabbing her arm with a compass. When my friend asked her what she was doing, she just said "I want to scar my arm cos it looks cool".
But there's different situations for different people, so if it seemed like I was pidgeon-holing every cutter in the world, I didn't mean it to seem like that.

i agree whole heartedly with full metal, when people ask me about my scars i often skirt the issue or make up some bogus story about the, and cutting is the same as smoking, i know i do both. my hat's off to you full metal, i think what you have said has helped me to rationalize my own problems. thank you

There isn't a "I used to" option so I just put occasionally. I used to do it, but I'm okay now I guess. I just don't need to anymore. Booze works for me now. Oh well. I guess I'll be fine as soon as I get out of my ma's house. She's really not a nice person.

Yeah I know the feeling moving from one thing to hide/release your pain to the next.

It sucks doesn't it? Sometimes I swear I'm the only one with these types of problems, then I come to the forum and it is like I'm not so alone anymore.

Same here. The only people that understand me are the ones I`ve met on Darkforum.

I don't know what would have happened if I never found this forum. I mean, I went to a bunch of "gothic forums" and they were all so dumb that it made me want to give up. I just want to say thanks to everyone here that made me feel so at home. Thanks.

i used to do it , A LOT! but my reasons differ from most others. usually i hear that they do it because they re depressed or when they re angry as a sort of release. i used to do it for these reasons also but they were not at all the main ones.

i did it because i loved it. because i derived extreme pleasure form feeling the blade cut open my skin and the burning sensation afterwards. it drifted me into this dazing trip, into this very relaxing state of mind, and it felt great. it was then when i would find myself able to express myself the best in writing. if i were to try it now, it would still have the same effects on me. i havent stopped loving it but i have stopped doing it ( or at least i try). my current boyfriend really cares about me and he doesnt approve of me doing it. i really take his opinions and everything else seriously and into consideration if any is required. i know that everytime i do it, i ll be hurting him and thats why i dont.

but i still get the urge, and i crave the feeling. when wouldnt have any drugs at hand , thats what i would do. it was like my antidrug. ........................(sigh) but those days are gone and hopefully for a very long time.

My theory of cutting being like a drug was pretty much close then, because you've passed up cutting for alcohol. It's a matter of controlling your depression or anger, I have a friend who punches and kicks walls when he's angry, it's the same idea. He's taking his anger out by causing himself pain. He's broken his hand and toe's so many times, I dunno.

As someone said, there was no 'used to' option, so I also chose 'occasionally'. I did it for 4 years & usually had different reasons. At first it was for attention because I saw someone else doing it. Those scars are on my fore-arm. Then it was out of self hatred [which was still on my arm because I was stupid]. Then people started noticing-- DUH. So my freshman year I started cutting on my ankles. Still stupid because I'm pretty much always barefoot. After a while, the cutting and the pain was addictive and I used it for escape-- those scars are on my inner thighs where no one sees. Another reason I chose there is because it's the pain that keeps on giving. When you walk, it rubs-- and I don't know about you, but I won't limp in public even if my leg was broken. I did it once a few months ago when I went literally insane. Part of it was needing blood-- but I never bleed no matter how deep I've been cut. So that didn't help much. In fact, it didn't help at all. Just some more scars to add to my vast collection.

on 5 since i picked up that habit..

years i mean.

i dunno.....i chose 'occasionally'

Maybe the middle option should say "used to, but don't anymore" ... I didn't really think too clearly when setting up the poll I guess.

Thanks, everyone, for being so candid. I guess it can't be easy telling some things to strangers. Then again, maybe it's easier to tell a stranger than a friend.

For those who didn't do it for attention, but because they hated themselves, or couldn't relate to others or were simply depressed or empty or whatever ... do you think you might have not done it if there'd been someone around you could talk openly to without feeling afraid of what they might say? If someone had been there to just listen and accept?

Curious.

I feel foolish, now, because I completely left out the self hatred part. That was one of the main reasons I did it, too. Malefic, I had plenty of people to talk to at the time-- but none of them understood me. It didn't matter how many people loved me, I couldn't love myself. Other people seldom matter when it comes to slashing.