Garg sent me this, it's more than likely a list of questions local travel agents have to deal with, often. Really funny, if you're South African.


Q: Does it ever get windy in South Africa? I have never seen it rain on
TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching
them die.

Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Durban to Cape Town - can I follow the railroad
tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only two thousand kilometer - take lots of water...

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in South Africa?(Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in South Africa? Can you send me a
list of them in JHB, Cape Town, Knysna and Jeffrey's Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in South
Africa? (USA)
A: Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific.
A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe which
does not... oh forget it. Sure, the Koala Bear racing is every Tuesday
night in Hillbrow. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is north in South Africa? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and
we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which
is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night
in Hillbrow, straight after the Koala Bear races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in South Africa? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you
tell me where I can sell it in South Africa? (USA)
A: Anywhere where significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in South Africa where the female
population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in South Africa? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Are there killer bees in South Africa? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Cape Town and is milk available all year
round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter-gatherers. Milk is
illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in South Africa who can dispense
rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All
South African snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and
make good pets.

Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

I dont get it... so are there elephants in the street or not?

A whole list of hilarity, and not ONE goddamn AIDS joke. I weep for comics everywhere.

Where is South Africa?

It is a ficticious place.

Yes frog, we have giraffes and lions and zebras and bigfoot and the abominable snowman in all our streets. In fact, the bigfoot is quite a comfortable ride.

heh heh heh

I knew you were dirty.

hahaha that's hilarious

*giggles a bit*

That's good...

Xxx-SIN-xxX

South Africa is GREAT!!! why just this morninh several men kidnapped an infant and raped it to death, apparently its supposed to cure AIDS... ahh yes the awe and wonder of the lovely HIV infected SA.

Aids is a world wide problem.. The continent of Africa is worse off than the rest of the world because of imperialists in the past. It is still bottom of the list for most of the world because well.. no body gives a shiat about that continent.. because its messed up bad now that Britain and France took turns screwing it up.

If you are concerned about the AIDS problem in South Africa then please go ahead and donate to:

http://www.aids.org.za/

It is not the fault of South Africans that 20% of their populus has aids. Most don't have access to good education or health care..

I really don't understand Billy The Kidds post.. you know.. just today.. an american dude went and raped a little girl too.. BUUH.. No body claimed that South Africa was a utopian society..

May I suggest you switch to baby wet asswipes.. because you seem to have a bad rectal itch.

HAhaha Oh my god, that has to be the best post I've seen yet! That is so brilliantly said, Garg! Intelligence, compassion, and awareness goes a long way. It's a pity it's in such short supply.

unfortunatly the US isnt wasting away from AIDs the way South SHitica is, nor do people rape babies or women at the frequency that they do in SA... but hey love your liberal spiel oh those poor SAers o Africans they had it worse thene veryone else because of the evil white imperialists.. really is that so? then perhaps you can explain why areas where the evil whtie imperialsts hung out theres actually civilization there for example oh i dont know SKY SCRAPERS IN SA!!!! And theres only Bushmen whove YET to invent the wheel in areas ;arge;y untouched by imperialists?

My ass, get your facts straight. Just like the Japanese would still be living in huts and fighting with swords today if the Americans didnt force them to open thier borders.

By the by, AIDs is not a world problem, in fact i should just say its not a 1st world problem. Sure we had our AIDs scare and we reacted and did quite well, the people who contract it today in places like the US or England have no excuse other than to blame themselves for not taking care of themselves, you can get condoms and blood tests for free for fucks sake there.

if you don't cut down on the predictability and positive power, i'm gonna give it to you in da butt.

and when some political or religious leader comes out and says that sex doesnt help spread AIDS or that condoms shouldnt be used at all, then whatever education they`re lucky enough to get is already sabotaged.

Ya we're pretty much fucked here in the wild, wild South. Hey, I'll be back later, I have to go hunt dinner, hope the carrots are easy tonight. And hopefully I don't encounter too many AIDS victims in my back yard, you know they're just all over the place, I can't even open my front door at times. Oh wait, I don't have a front door. Shit, my bad.

wel, not you lillith as Garg was speakin about.. youre one of the oppressors.

my shack has a door, but its mainly there to keep the wind off my tobacco leaves. oh shit, bessie got loose.......

Hey, mine's called Bessie too! No bloody way, what a coincidence, we should let them chew some grass together! But I may have to check my diary, I have some slave to oppress later in the week, so I'll get back to you on that one.