Someone do, or tell a story about, something fucking entertaining. I don't care what it's about as long as it's amusing...

i'm an idiot

This was my Thanksgiving..

Thanksgiving is family time. Good gawd, I hate my fucking family.

My aunt Anna was popping pills, drinking and smoking all the way down to Brownwood and not shutting up for one god damn minute. She just hurt her hand really bad and she's on all kindsa pain killers...loopy as SHIT. At one point she asked me to get the hotel key out of her purse and when I opened it, it had at least 8 script bottles in there.

My aunt Cindy was telling me everything (because she knows it) and not shutting up for a god damn minute. She works at a nutrition store and brings all her drugs(herbs) to give to the family. "This helps your colon." I'm 20....who gives a fuck about my colon, Cindy? She has on moccasons and a fucking pouch around her neck and when I asked her if Jerry Garcia's ashes were in it, she looked at me like I was the fucking crazy one.

My uncle Bill was yelling at the dogs ("SHUT THE FUCK UP), drinking, and cracking bad jokes at me.

My cousin Lindsey is at LEAST 400+ pounds now and she thinks she has a small body. She's constantly bumping into shit and breaking things (simply by sitting down). She has a whirlwind of animals around her, dogs and cats, which have no manners, jumping up on you, licking you, getting hair on you...and they smell like SHIT.

My grandmother is a fucking loony. Her Thanksgiving food used to be good, but since I was 10 has become macaroni in a box and fake, in a box just add water, mashed potatos. She walks around the house mumbling to herself and chain smoking Salem's. If you so much as walk into the kitchen she'll tell you to "Gosh. Get the heck outta here."

oh yeah....when me and my aunt anna got back to her place in Austin....my uncle Eddie was there, the harley was in the driveway on it's side..he was on the couch..and the entire gallon bottle of crown was gone....

fucking..save me..

I don't want to be white trash.

/bitch


That help?

That's not entertainment. Come on. Don't you have some funny story about
getting your penis jammed in a meat grinder....anyone?

That was to Garg's comment, by the by.

Holy shit. Our families seem to have a good bit in common.

And yes, it did help. You should tell more holiday stories to make me feel better about mine. *laughs*

I have a yeast infection...


no...seriously..it itches like fuck....

Alas, I depart. My friday begins.


Beer= teh yum

Wow. You're a chick? Neat. Now I have someone to bitch with that at least has a brain.

can i eat the yogurt once you're done douching with it?

Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.

What am I... invisible?

No! You just never call me.

I knew you would respond to that. *loves all over Wicked*

I called earlier, but I got put on hold for ten minutes and got tired of waiting. Christine answered the phone. Or whoever.

*loves back* It's cold here. And I'm bored. Mike is making me watch Star Trek.

nerd!

Aha! That's how called! I was right in the middle of an OP emergency...The fucking fire alarm got set off and I didn't have keys to the office for the firemen. They were huge dudes too, by the by.

It's cold here too. Fucking weather.

Mike is extolling me with the virtues of the Alien series. He's such a douche.

Want me to kill him?

Go for it. I started a thread about the sexual problems of the various stereotypes. There's a Fatz reference.

I saw. It's fucking hilarious. I thought I would die when I got to that part.

It's the kind of joke that's only truly funny to you, me, and Gus.