I am a determinist... I'll share my theory tomorrow... (almost time for internet cut).

...tomorrow?

Sometimes tomorrow never comes.....

Oops ::grins::

Shows how occupied I've been... yep, that's it...

Though today IS a bad day... I should be studying right now... two finals today.

As horrible as it may seem, I share your lack of a definition. Which in retrospect is quite odd, mainly because I have always had structure in my life, my life has always had meaning! I have never once had to question "why am I here", for I have always assured myself as to my mission here on Earth. I always knew my path, I have always known how I am to meet my end......well, I always knew up until now. I have had a question pondering in the back of my head.........the question of why. Why must I go down the path paved for me? Why must I in the long run destroy myself? Why am I the one who has to do this? Why me? (None of you know what I'm talking about I'm sure, but you will.......just give it time.) For if the Christian concept of God is true, then why did he put me here? If that concept of God is not true then what concept is? The notions of good and evil have little meaning as of late. My life has gone from hot/cold to lukewarm. For I have no lover to share my aching heart with, I have no true enemies either. My best friend of whom I have known my entire life is moving away from my far reaching gaze. I feel like every thing that I have come to know is either false or gone. The times are changing and I can only sit back and watch as all that I love rots away. This should not happen to me! I have gone from an object of love and compassion to an object of empty worship. I know that the thought of having others worship you seems like heaven on Earth......but it has left me empty. The People in my school would do whatever I asked them to.......and the sad part is that I have become what I have despised the most....one of the "popular" people. Oh what horror it truly is. I have put forth most of my energy into being this "God" on Earth that it has left me too much like a God.....empty. I no longer have friends, I no longer have equals (for all of my old friends were my equals and they are now gone.) I no longer have enemies, as sad as this must seem I miss being hated! Oh well, life's a bitch and I just have to live with it! So yea, that is my rant..........I just thought Dark Messiah, that you would like to know that I too am going through a definition-less time in my life that I hope will end soon........





....if anyone finds me stupid for posting this, then to them I apologize.