DF agony aunt. - Darkforum.com - Dark Stories, Dark Art, Poetry, Photography, Debates and Discussions

Lenina · **DF agony aunt. -** 11-13-04

Dear Neena,

Im 15 years old and my boyfirend is 19. We have ben dating for a year now and at first our relationship was good but just recently, he started bugging me for sex. Im only 15 and I don't think Im ready for our relationship to go to that level but I also don't want to lose him and Im afraid that if I tell him that Im not ready for sex, he will leave me. Please help.
Confused
NY

Dear confused,

I would just like to say WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING DATING AT THE AGE OF 15? Jebus! And what the fuck were you thinking when you started dating him? Didn't anyone tell you that getting laid is an unwritted contract that you get into when you start dating? That poor guy has been with you for how long and youe not putting out??? Fucking hell child! Your obviously a slut anyway because you have been dating for a year and don't try to put the innocent act on with me fucker! In that whole time you have been dating you can't tell me you haven't given him a blow job! Also, hes 19 you retard! How can you even begin to think that he hasn't been fucking some other girl who will put out? My advice, fuck him or fuck off! Your already a whore anyway and you will probably be pregnant by the time you hit 16 so why not make a start now?
Neena. xxx

Anyone got problems?? COme ask me, Im fucking awsome at giving out advice!

Jobe · 11-13-04

Dear Neena....

How can I get the boy at school (I'll call him Anti) to stop asking me to put my pee pee in his poo poo. It's really bugging me that he wants me to bugger him and shoot all his face

Please help me Neena, you're my only hope,

Thanks,

sixx(sic)six

Wicked Lady · 11-13-04

I've got this painful, burning, feminine itch. My baby daddy say it's from Shanisha. But I thought he say he didn't do nothing with her. So do I do the beat down or what?

Lenina · 11-13-04

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jobe X

Dear Neena....

How can I get the boy at school (I'll call him Anti) to stop asking me to put my pee pee in his poo poo. It's really bugging me that he wants me to bugger him and shoot all his face

Please help me Neena, you're my only hope,

Thanks,

sixx(sixx)sixx

Dear sixx(sixx)sixx,

This is a tough one, but it seems to me that your not comfortable with your sexuality and the boy in your school is. I think your a gay bashing closet quadsexual (Not sure wheather you love yourself, men, women or animals) and secretly, he really turns you on. My advice is to go for it, its not as if your going to find a girlfriend anytime in the near or distant future anyway and it would make a change from you fucking your dog.
Neena.xxx

Lenina · 11-13-04

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wicked Lady

I've got this painful, burning, feminine itch. My baby daddy say it's from Shanisha. But I thought he say he didn't do nothing with her. So do I do the beat down or what?

Dear Anon,

Seems to me like your in turmoil and torn between an STD and your baby's daddy, my sugesstion is to treat the burning itchy feeling with a heavy dose of hard alcohol and use the bottle to practice amature brain surgery on your baby's daddy. Its not as if he was going anywhere in life anyway and you could always use the experience and learn from it. As for his mistress, I think you should kick her hard in the ovaries just to make sure she can never procreate again, then maybe send her a sympathy card for being such a skanky little STD ridden whore of babylon.
Neena.xxx

Jobe · 11-13-04

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lenina

Dear sixxx(sic)six,

This is a tough one, but it seems to me that your not comfortable with your sexuality and the boy in your school is. I think your a gay bashing closet quadsexual (Not sure wheather you love yourself, men, women or animals) and secretly, he really turns you on. My advice is to go for it, its not as if your going to find a girlfriend anytime in the near or distant future anyway and it would make a change from you fucking your dog.
Neena.xxx

Dear Neena,

Thanks. I buggered the boy (I'll call him Anti) hard like he was my lickle puppy and made him my hwat bitch. Now that I have realised, with your wisdom, that I am cross-dressing faggot fucking beast bumming butt banging republican and had less chance of getting a girl than my friend (I'll call him Errantrogue) I feel much happier with my life and no longer want to cut cut cut...
Well I'm off to play chess now and bash someone's bishop *wink wink*

Love,

sixxx(sic)six

Lenina · 11-13-04

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jobe X

Dear Neena,

Thanks. I buggered the boy (I'll call him Anti) hard like he was my lickle puppy and made him my hwat bitch. Now that I have realised, with your wisdom, that I am cross-dressing faggot fucking beast bumming butt banging republican and had less chance of getting a girl than my friend (I'll call him Errantrogue) I feel much happier with my life and no longer want to cut cut cut...
Well I'm off to play chess now and bash someone's bishop *wink wink*

Love,

sixx(six)sic

Dear sixx(six)sic,

Its always nice to know I have been a help to someone in need, as for the boy in school, I think I could help him out if he just came to my place for about three hours, tonight... Anyway, I really don't think your understanding the point I was trying to make which was that you have to stop living in this fantasy, you have to admit to yourself that your ideal world where the boy at school begs you for some sexual congress is just make believe and that really, you have to stop fucking your dog. Now I have recieved hundreds of letters from people just like you so your not alone. Maybe I could set you with a support group that you may feel more at ease in.
Neena.xxx

Jobe · 11-13-04

Dear Neena,

The boy (I'll call him Anti) can come around to your house tonight but please be careful with him as I have just knocked his 'piles' in and they are stinging like a wasp on heat. Treat his grapes with care and just make sure he don't come back walking like John Wayne...

Love,

sixxx(sic)six

Lenina · 11-13-04

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jobe X

Dear Neena,

The boy (I'll call him Anti) can come around to your house tonight but please be careful with him as I have just knocked his 'piles' in and they are stinging like a wasp on heat. Treat his grapes with care and just make sure he don't come back walking like John Wayne...

Love,

sixxx(sic)six

Dear sixxx(sic)six,

In reply to your last two letters, I must say that this piece of advice is for the boy you call Anti. I suggest you issue a restraining order on sixxx(sic)six and hide out at my place where I can tend to your every need. As for you sixxx(sic)six, my advice is to check out the support group for your disorder, its called the NBH (National Beastiaity Helpline) and they can help you further with your problem. They also have a website that you can find at www.beastiality.com and Im sure they are more than happy to take new members such as yourself.
Neena.xxx

Wicked Lady · 11-13-04

Dear Neena,

I tink ur purty. U can b my hawt cybr kween.

Luv,

Sercet Admir

Lenina · 11-13-04

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wicked Lady

Dear Neena,

I tink ur purty. U can b my hawt cybr kween.

Luv,

Sercet Admir

Dear Sercet Admir,

I can see why you think Im "Purty" and why you want me to be you "hawt cybr kween" but my advice to you right now is look into your DNA and geneology, there might have been some incest type relationship going on between your biological perents and that is illegal, you could sue for millons... Once you do that and you collect your settlement, look me up.
Neena.xxx

surreal · 11-13-04

i sadi u r, not ur

surreal · 11-13-04

Dear Neena,
I said to my mom that I wanted to make bank on tacos when I get older and she slapped my face.
what is with her?
-quiet.....

Jobe · 11-13-04

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lenina

Dear sixxx(sic)six,

In reply to your last two letters, I must say that this piece of advice is for the boy you call Anti. I suggest you issue a restraining order on sixxx(sic)six and hide out at my place where I can tend to your every need. As for you sixxx(sic)six, my advice is to check out the support group for your disorder, its called the NBH (National Beastiaity Helpline) and they can help you further with your problem. They also have a website that you can find at www.beastiality.com and Im sure they are more than happy to take new members such as yourself.
Neena.xxx

Dear Neena,

I took your advice and looked up the website. I joined and now meet up on Tuesdays and Thursdays for my Animals Need Alot of Love Group and work on my issues with a guy named Butch. He's taught me alot and already I have worked my way into a lot of the deeper ~~asses~~ issues I have been wanting to ~~fuck~~ get to grips with.

Thanks Neena for making me realise I like ~~to fuck~~ animals

sixxx(sic)six

Lenina · 11-13-04

Quote:

Originally Posted by surreal

Dear Neena,
I said to my mom that I wanted to make bank on tacos when I get older and she slapped my face.
what is with her?
-quiet.....

Dear -quiet.....

Seems to me that you are suffering from child abuse, my advice is devorce your parents and take their money. They are obviously fuckers that can't accept you. Also, follow your dreams, if you want to make a bank on tacos then do so but don't expect it to get anywhere as it is a lameass idea.
Neena.xxx

Lenina · 11-13-04

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jobe X

Dear Neena,

I took your advice and looked up the website. I joined and now meet up on Tuesdays and Thursdays for my Animals Need Alot of Love Group and work on my issues with a guy named Butch. He's taught me alot and already I have worked my way into a lot of the deeper ~~asses~~ issues I have been wanting to ~~fuck~~ get to grips with.

Thanks Neena for making me realise I like ~~to fuck~~ animals

sixxx(sic)six

Dear sixxx(sic)six

Im am happy you took my advice and found some sort of resolution in the whole thing. I hope you get the closure you need. Good luck with the animal thing
Neena.xxx

sixxx(sic)six · 11-13-04

ha...ha

that was pretty clever of you two....i'm impressed......

i wonder how anti feels now that i've raided his glorious stink pit

Jobe · 11-13-04

Quote:

Originally Posted by sixxx(sic)six

ha...ha

that was pretty clever of you two....i'm impressed......

i wonder how anti feels now that i've raided his glorious stink pit

I think he feels a bit sore seeing as how you ripened his grapes...

Lenina · 11-13-04

Quote:

Originally Posted by sixxx(sic)six

ha...ha

that was pretty clever of you two....i'm impressed......

i wonder how anti feels now that i've raided his glorious stink pit

Dear Sixx(sic)six,

If you had actually read your letters and my replies to them, you would have realised that you really didn't bum the boy at school you call anti. We have established the fact that you are a closet quadsexual and that you were living in a world of make believe where you thought that the boy at school wanted you. In actual fact, I handed you a support group number you could go to and sort out your problems. As a result, you now are comfortable loving animals the way you do. Good luck with that and your life in the future.
Neena.xxx