Start of new log: 28-7, 2002, 2:32 AM CET.
Status: Overheated. But accomplished.

Current temperatures are tropical, even past midnight. 30 degr Celsius (about 86 Farenheit). Too hot to sleep... Especially with this humidity. So I put time to other uses...
A note to self for future reference: If computing will not get you anywhere, becoming a jewelsmith is not an option most likely. Even 'tough the endresult is... acceptable, it is far from desirable. Ach, A necklace is a necklace... Even if with a message. I'm just glad it is finished... Nothing to do but wait now.

And wait anew. 37% complete, of yet another CD... Music, for my MP3 player... I need a new batch. Need to refresh a bit. Latter days had left me darkened... VNV was not helping much. But I think that is straightened out for the most. Onwards, Sev. Onwards eterne. For there is no end to the path you create. Onwards, Severer... And trough all that may stand before you... For your path shall see no end.

And I rant anew, to self. Perhaps I am in fact losing it. Ach, what does it matter, as long as you can control it? Two know more then one... And understand a factor more. Even if two, in one... And rant anew.

Status: 60%. 4 speed burners are slow for todays standard. They were top notch at the time... A good HP 8100h... I really should throw a different firmware on it sometime, pump it up to 8 speed. But then again, for that little bit of time... I really should not bother. Unless I can get burnproof in...
... But even that would be unneccesary for the most. My UPS can easily catch power failures. And my system is powerful enough to not glitch at the starting of a program.

Status: 76%. How odd. I still have a card a close friend sent me on my desk... from last christmas. An angel thereon... It just has some beauty in it. Would I had the same... But what little I had, once... I have long since lost. I guess I just have a keen mind still, I should be okay. It's not like this world expects a guy to rely on physical looks... or kind spirit. No, cash... posession, that is all that matters...
... and rants anew...

Status: 86%. I must really be bored, to watch that meter tick forward, slowly. But it'll amuse me tomorrow, that CD. It has all the tracks I want to hear... Mostly Covenant, VNV and other trance/industrial styles. As well as some ambience... Should prove a calming influence. And stabilisation is what is needed. I will get it...

Status: 98%. Almost done. Then I'm going to sleep a bit. Contemplating popping onto Yahoo and wishing Water goodnight... I should, considering. But I doubt she would be on. Or take it well. Ach. Life can be harsh. But being stone, it does not matter... one can be harsher still. And now I will kill all accessibility features in Windows for showing me a nag popup. *sighs* Bring me the chief software engineer of M$ft Win2K and a room full 'o weapons...

... and rants anew. 100%. Time to rest... I'll see if she is on.

:) i wish i could be that creative sometimes. most of the time my brain is shot, well at least these days :)

blessed be,

skarllette

9:24, 28-7, 2002.

Only 5 hours or so later. Temperatures increasing still. As high as 35 degrees celsius forecast: Heatwave inbound. But I'm clad accordingly, I'll be okay.
Fatigue is the bigger problem.

Ah well. There shall be little to do today, I expect. I'll try and continue work on my interim report... If I can. Perhaps browse the net a bit. Show off my 1337ness at tweakers.net . Just a day that must pass I guess. A pity I do not have IRC or Yahoo here... I could communicate at least with a few akin to me. But even that, is not for now.

Ach, so be it. My life has never been -that- much of a bucket of happiness. But I am content with it nonetheless, which is more then I can say for the bulk of the people here... I'll write more lateron. Work calls, a bit.

01-08-2002, 23:20.

Just... nothing anymore. Fatigue... Famine... Thirst... And not only body. My day was good, but far from great. And my feelings for the day, sung back to me, trough twin voices...

The Chaos Engine - Broken Shell

Goodbye, is not enough.
When you’re not here… I open up.
And when you’ll leave, you’ll understand,
I’ll have the world at my command.

And those tears I cry,
Will light your way, tonight.

This is the birthing pain,
My body’s broken shell
Steal the light inside of me,
To cast me into Hell…

My best, is not good enough
When you’re not here, I turn to dust.
And when you see, all I’ve achieved,
I’ll stand alone, I’m all I need.

And those tears I cry,
Will light your way, tonight.

This is the birthing pain,
My body’s broken shell
Steal the light inside of me,
To cast me into Hell…

When I opened up the gates of heaven,
I didn’t like, what I found inside…

Log entry: Sunday, August 18, 2002, 10:10

Sonic subsystem status: Playing "Insane Clown Posse - Great Milenko"
System status: Nominal.

Only 10 in the AM, and even now the temperature is over 30 C (90F) in my room. Overheat looms... Ach, as long as I can stay hydrated, not a problem.
What tasks remain? Ech, tuesday, bury a family member... Then in a week or 2, school resumes. Not much interesting... Nothing I have not done before. Life seems to resume it's repetative cycle. Mmh, ach, one at least knows what is to come.

What remains for today? Hmm, not much. Another day to survive sole... Perhaps do a little housecleaning to keep myself amused. As before: Nothing I have not done before.

Basically:
Status: TOTALLY bored with life as a whole. It seems... too simplistic. Perhaps I'll complicate it a little...

Log entry: Monday, August 19, 2002, 19:27

Current mode: Realignment.

Often enough I have pondered outcomes. Yet more then once, confronts me, situations I am not suited for to deal with. Odd really, but it does allow me to learn myself to better deal with them. Unnerving, a jump in the dark may be... If pushed, one had best not think about staying behind, yet brace for the worst...

And still I go on. Perhaps not as I was, but I'll be whom I wish to be again. Somehow. Even if I will be null. Most likely not... I dislike solitude. And yet I find myself in an empty house, and with an empty heart. Sleeping an empty bed. I should probably be mourning my grandmother, whose funeral I am to attend this wednesday. But I am not... She at least has had a full life, with one she loved... her whole life long. Only her last week painful perhaps... As spirit and body severed, too slow.

And it forces me to ponder. If I die tomorrow, my achievements will have been little. To have taught love to others. But to never have grasped the lesson myself.
I would mourn my own heart... Nothing less... nothing more...



My thoughts are to deep for the tropical temperatures...

Log entry, Monday, September 2, 2002.

Current status: Paradoxal.

What was promising to be not a very good day due to a forced lack of sleep, is starting to pick up a little. The roster I thought I had, was the wrong one... The differences? This one allows me to -each day- rest to 10 AM... And I do not have -any- classes on Fridays. Long weekend... I LOVE!

And love again, but for another reason. And to love, I hate as well... Interesting, these paradoxes, this contrast. Life... Was boring for a while, but turning quite interesting again, now. I guess that is a contrast in itself... Recursive, too, if only minor.

Fact remains I am quite sleepy. After I get my books from the store after school today, I think I'm just going to sleep early. And let the world be... to just be self a while... Should help me focus a lil bit, as well.

Life is good...