K - you chopped the puppy up?? That's just wrong! *calls the RSPCA*

Hello - pigs? I mean - RSPCA? Erm - I got a dead puppy here, yep, yep, in a matchbox - no, I can't tell if it's a poodle, I don't know, it's in bits! What do you mean you don't give a shit???'

*slams phone down*

Bugger - wrong number!