I hesitated a lot in posting this. one, because i never let people in so this is realy hard for me. two, because i'll have to give you backstory and i don't want to bore anyone and this is going to take a while. and three, because i didn't think anyone would read it or have any advice. i don't think that anything can get my ex-girlfriend melanie back, but for some reason, i did decide to post this. i appreciate anyone who reads it.

ok, so we met in march of last year. i didn't find her attractive cuz she's not my type physically and i am not attractive, so she didn't even look at me twice. especially since she was straight (i am a girl). we had mutual friends and so we kept hanging out together and she was SO smart, funny, kind, and interesting. then we started hanging out alone. fast foraward to the beginning of june and i told he ri was in love with her. it happened SO fast and it was my first lvoe ever.

one of my issues besides my trust issues is my territorial bubble. i have never in my entire lif elet ANYONE touch my face for any reason whatsoever. except for her. when i told her i loved her, i put her hand on my face. by then we were best friends and she knew everything about me and i knew everything about her and we couldn't possibly be closer friendship-wise. so she knew the big deal this was.

a few weeks later she kissed me in front of some friends of ours and it lost us a lot of friendships.

a week after that we were going out everyday and making out all the time. eventually leading to sex. she still insisted that she was straight and that i was different. we were eachother's first everything. except i was her second love. she had loved before. and i guess what we had wasn't the same as she felt for the man she couldn't have, because after being together for four months, inseperable, completely in love, she left me with no explanation.

she is at school in florida and i spent 600 dollars to visit her and she dumped me on the phone while i was on the 36 hour bus ride from baltimore to miami to see her. i got there and it was as if nothing had happened. she acted like she never dumped me and we fucked all weekend. then when i got on the 48 hours bus ride back home she told me it was definitely over.

we decided to stay friends so i wasn't totally heartbroken about it because the friendship was way more important to me than anything else. i loved her as a friend first and foremost. i just wanted her in my life. that worked for about a week until she told me that she was dating a guy. a WEEK after we broke up. a MONTH after she told me she was in love with me.

i talked to her roommate and she said she was confused and that she still loved me. so i got pissed. and when melanie told me she was with eric, i blew up. told her to "fuck her brains out, have fun." i understand that i was wrong. i know that that was the worst possible thing i could have done. ever. especially since she is the type of person to hold a major grudge for a lifetime.

i said sorry a million times and tried to convince her that i only wanted her to be happy. i becamse suicidal again and started cutting like i did when i was younger.

i couldn't talk to anyone or even go to work. she wouldn't talk to me.

she came back to visit home during xmas (she's at school til may) and we saw eachother and things were going great. we talked and hung out and everything was wonderful. she broke up with eric befor eshe cam here, and so that wasn't an issue either. we were even going to sleep together but then didn't have the chance. then the day before she left back to school she told me off. told me to fuck msyelf and to never talk to her again. so i bitched her out and left. that was jan. 4th, and i haven't spoken to her since. she changed her email and i can't bring myself to call.

i miss her so much. i am dying without her. she was my life. i can't even take off the ring she gave me last year. i can't breathe without her. i need her back.

i am looking for magic spells, advice, tricks, anything. i can't live like this.

i should also tell you... i am dying of cancer. they told me i'd go this year, but i think i have a bit longer. i can fight it and take medication and chemo but i see no point. you'll probably think i am stupid, but if you knew my life, my past, and my current home life, you'd understand that it isn't just melanie. the point is, i may never see her again before i die. i know she still loves me and i know sh eknows that i still love her. how do i get her to get over he rpride and stubbornness and talk to me? she is REALLY hard-headed and won't talk to me EVER just to prove she is right, you know?


HEEEEELLLLLPPPP!!!!!!