thefinalw0rd~ What i meant was..I am only 16..and I've been through too much emotional shit..Love...hate..helplessness..any emotion, you name it. I have felt and dealt with it in full force..It's so draining and it has completely broken me down. I meant it as an amount for each emotion..I feel everything to the extreme..it sucks...I cant really explain it but it just wears you down a lot. There's no in-between with emotions. I mentioned age because half the emotions and stuff I have been through by the age of 16, no one else will experience in their life time (not saying all).

I have been in break ups before so i know what to expect..this one is just different because it threw me off..i mean way off...plus it was in addition to a lot of other things. Depression is my natural state..thats why i am trying not to feel at all..~Dont you hate when you have two seperate feelings for someone that contridicts themselves.....gr...thanks for your thoughts

RedMeat~That's understandable..I dont plan in shutting every one out...my two best friends dont deserve that cause they have been true to me for 2 years. It's just hard to try and not feel yet still feel a little at the same time. How can you truly know that someone wont harm you? there is no such thing as time to me so knowing them for a long time doesnt weigh anything with me. I guess it all goes back to trust..but i dont have too much of that left..probably none. I am sorry that you have those thoughts and feelings, I'd give you advice if i could be I am in the same cracked boat as you. Doesnt seem to be too much to make us happy..though i bet one little thing of love would do the trick so quickly. If you ever you need to talk im here..i'll try to be good company maybe not enough cause i am on the computer..but i try..lol...good company is hard to come by.....it's sad....