I never said it was original (I am anything BUT original, although I like to think myself different from most). You inferred that I did though. No one will ever be completely original in a world like this, full of cycles and seasons. I just get mad when people think they're something special, when there are others who feel that same feeling (I do feel very unique, but there are a few like myself, I'll agree). What I want is for people to choose what THEY like, and not what they think their friends say they should wear to rebel against something useless and futile...

I didn't say anything about hating make-up, I said I hated people who tell others what to do with their make-up. But then again, I hate anyone who tells me what to do in any situation. I wear make-up and I like the way it looks sometimes. Those replies were just minor misunderstandings. But some do go "overboard" (although there are many ideas of what such a thing is). I hate it when others tell me I should wear pastel pink (such an ugly color in itself, apart from my own grotesque features), when I strongly prefer darker colors because of the contrast. I also like shaving my eyebrows half-off on both sides. I would shave them completely off, but then I'd be accused of trying to be like Syd Barrett by my Floydian buddies. To me, overboard is flattering your looks with things that will look good. I try to look bad most of the time, since nothing can make me look decent. Things I really dislike are the overuse of eye-shadow and blush. Then you would all say that, "Well, you shave your eyebrows!!!" It's the powders that bug me.

It isn't even make-up alone that I associate with vanity. I've met many girls, and quite a few are very confident, almost disgustingly. I guess you would all say that I myself have my head up my ass, and I don't know what to say of that lol. I don't try to be over-confident. If I am I'm sorry about it. It wasn't only girls I was attacking during my brief bout of angst either. I guess the world hates me for things out of my control, and I hate it back. For that I am crucified.


Of course I already know I'm ugly and I flaunt that, just as a pretty person would flaunt their beauty, unfortunately for the rest of the world. I don't have a very pleasant life, and misery loves company. Too bad I guess. I am openly jealous, since I believe in honesty about my faults. Wouldn't you be jealous if everyone else had the few things in life you treasured most? What I treasure most are close and comfortable relationships with family, friends, and lovers. My ugliness keeps me from those unreachable goals, and you all touched a soft spot by reminding me very harshly. People say appearance doesn't matter, but it does. It doesn't matter what I wear. I am ugly and people will always hate me on site. Naturally that is a disadvantage, but there's nothing I can do about it. "Pretty" people would never understand (yes, I know that's a paradox on my part, since ugly people will never understand what the darling pretties go through...).

Self-pity is much more consoling than talking to my wall, which my mom's boyfriend told me to do. There's only one person who care's about me, and it's myself. That's the single comfort I've got, and it's better than nothing.


EDIT: Obviously I would not tell a doctor off, but that is a completely different subject. I can live without make-up, I can't live without a heart...duh... I have lines that I draw on myself too. I just hate it when regular people base everything they try to force upon others on their own opinions, not to benefit the others, but to benefit themselves with the assurance that they "know more"...their knowledge is all opinion, and they think that just because something is good for them it is good for others. Another paradox, although I don't usually try to tell others what they "should do." I tell them what I would "like them to do." Much less so overpowering, I think.

I honestly think that too much investment in beauty products is not a very feminine thing at all (I don't say I'm feminine in any way because I don't count as a female. I'm not trying to be self-righteous). It only makes them consumers (or consumer whores! : D ) buying countless tonics, trying to fight nature and become what I call robots. When I say robots, I'm referring to their repetitive movement; it's a lame joke. It's all to no avail though, since everyone is but worm food in the end. An afterlife is something I refuse to talk about. I think vanity is in a woman's nature, but so is modesty. Most girls just "flaunt it while they got it" (lol, or flaunt it while they THINK they got it... What kind of shit grammar is that I'm using?), and only show the negative virtue.

I'm no prize myself, but just because someone thinks they're beautiful and acts the part does not confirm the reality.

~ S.A.