My last will and testimony (to whom it may concern)

you kicked me till i screamed
then you kicked me for screaming
you couldn't see my dreams
but i kept dreaming
you suppressed me at home
and you oppressed me at school
and when i made an expression
i became the class fool

I had no popularity
I never learned to drive
you told me i was weak
and that i would not survive
but if you take a close look
deep into my eyes
you'll know that i have seen through
all your bullshit and your lies

FDR said all their was to fear
was fear itself
does this mean i must live now
with my brain upon a shelf?
i know now not to scream
when you kicked me in the head
because from start to finish
i shall live until am dead.


dying inside


something so hard
goes straight to the soul
it seems impossible to get over
and my heart is left with a big hole

I'm trying to be happy,wearing a smile
but I'm dying inside
the world seems to be fading
and i want to run and hide

everywhere i go i see your face
and i realize how much i miss you
and on the day you left
a piece of me died.



In a place deep down inside
i knew i couldn't stay and hide
so many things i had gone through
my life would've ended if it wasn't for you
if i never even knew your name
I know for a fact,my life wouldn't ever be the same
with so many things left undone
you ought to be glad i don't own a gun
cause with a quick pull of the trigger I'd be dead
with a single blow to the side of my head
with each new day starting at dawn
a new fear is about to spawn
why me or you or her
why where are lives made so unsure
if only i known ahead
i could not lie here,stiff and dead
in a puddle of blood
thinking was i ever really loved?
did she care?did she lie?
why do we all wanna die?
but not me, not just yet
i have things still left to do and get
pointless yes,dull indeed
but you try when your only 19
you can tell me what you want
but when am finally determined,thats all that will really count
but because life itself is faded and torn
you think that you had half to just leave and get it through
but when you find out someone's in love with you
what will they think?will they cry?
or will they also want to die?
why did all those bad things half to take place?
thats the question i have to face
when i"m gone what will you do?
remember its my life not your's thats done and through



is there anybody there to see me smiling when am dying?
don't you understand my pain



chasing the sunlight


and i find light in the love from your eyes
and i find hope in the tears we cry
for now we cannot let them fall anymore
in the light of day we can sigh
the twilight embrace our souls uproar,
through the woods will run
where natures love and caress is sweet
in solitude we find each other
i trace your warmth
your treasure my strength
in these days we share tomorrow watching dawn
exiled you once were,and exiled i"am now
in the barest part of you existance
because i sank so deep,so deep to find you
i stare at your the untouchable one
i wanted to touch you,to hold you...
but life turns the away forever...



never good enough

i awe i finally see,that you don't want me
if i tried to become what you want me to be
maybe then you would've wanted me,but i could never be
i could turn into a different guy each night for you
i could never be "HOT" or "FINE" because iam ugly
i cant be completely emotionless and voiceless for your convienience
i refuse to beg to you for your smallest shred of affection
i cannot be "COOL" or like "THE SHIT"
i cannot dress nice or care about how i look
although this is what you seek, I am meek
i could never be with you, cruel and cold destroying,lying,slaving you
i could never be good enough for you,its through
don't you see after i sifted through,all of you,its through
which I'll find you,the one who will heal me,love me,truly
i await thee my true love,soon,soon i will see you before me,
soon...



as i have no regrets
as i have no hope
for my cowardice peeks
as i look at you
as my soul is touched
as i admire from afar
as my soul is touched
as i lok at you
as my fear is at its worse
as i have no words to say
as i look at you
as you stand and approach
as you talk to me
as i cower in fear as far as i can
as i look at you
as you gaze at me
as you wait for a response
the blank in my mind
as i look at you
as i gaze in at beauty
as i watch awestruck
as you turn away
as you walk away
i cannot overcome
the cowardice
as i have no words to say...