You need either no-one and just concentrate on your son or someone who actually has a backbone. You are not a mean person; you have a brilliant sense of humour and a pretty well rounded view of the world. Even if you would rather be thought of as mean, I still don't think you are. The things you do, taking the piss out of friends, not talking in the car, not liking D & D, not wanting to pause films, I do all those things and I'm one of the nicest people anyone could meet. BUT some people think I'm a bitch because I'm honest and I stand up for myself. So if you do any of the other things I do - tell people who phone with surveys that it's none of their business, tell people when they've just said something patronising or assholish, refuse to be treated like a child just because I'm female - then you're not mean, you're strong.

I think this one might not have been meant to work, regardless of butt cuteness. Find a guy with a strong backbone and his butt'll probably be even nicer. Just try to find an actual man not a doormat.