actually, a lot has changed...i realized many of my behaviors weren't conducive to a higher state of humanhood. i've reassessed why i chose to pursue those activities and have found a facet to help confirm that i wasn't a very good person; sorry to disappoint, but i'm not longer swinging, have no desire to deal with any more men than those i have in my life now, and only my husband is of the sexual nature.

my life isn't "oh-so-difficult" it's actually quite wonderful, i have a deeper relationship with my husband, a closer patience with my children, we've moved into a larger home with a front and back yard, mia has friends from school down the block and i'm realizing i already have what i need to be complete, a desire to be more wholesome in my life, no longer feeling empty and seeking fufillment in insubstantial promises of physical pleasure. i am in the process of eliminating many of my negative habits and understanding that if i can be forgiven, i can forgive anyone, for anything...that's not something that should be exclusive to a God that may or may not be, depending on belief.

my "new" christian friends, are more glad that i've chosen to reject those behaviors, finding it a glorious testament to God, that i've been able to see the error of my ways, rather than dwelling on the fact that i was not a very, wholesome person. celebrating that i chose to be saved, planning a spring time baptism at a local lake, rather than continuing to pursue a lifestyle that was leading to a very bad end, even my very wiccan friend is happy to see how my life has changed, and acknowledges that maybe christianity was a good choice; for me.

it's sort of emotionally freeing, realizing that the only one that can judge me is greater than any mortal man, freely forgiving those who are genuinely apologetic for their offenses, and having once been human, perhaps has more of an understanding, than many give Him credit for; it's sort of nice being able to read a passage and apply it to my life, rather than spreading out cards, consulting spirits or any of the other "sorceries" the bible forbids His children from engaging in.

i don't have the memory to thump the bible, nor the desire to enforce my interpretations of the passages upon others, they'll find their salvation when and where they need to, but i'm not ashamed that i've changed my path in life, proud to demonstrate that, and i'm now more content being a spoiled wife and good mother, going to dessert nights with the ladies from the church, potlucks twice a month after church and have a variety of activities to choose from, with pleasant families that don't encourage naughty or nasty behaviors.

those enjoyments, i'm now discovering are best in bed, with someone you genuinly love and have emotion for; rather than based in lust and base physical needs.

crutch or not, i've improved my life, and all it required was a little shift in my egotism that was convincing me i was right, regardless of what my life was demonstrating.

so be as bitter as you want, why should your negativity bother me any longer?

i have more than enough care and love in my life; than to worry about it...perhaps you should reassess some of your behaviors?