I'm pretty sure someone who is computer literate knows that you capitalize the first words of a sentence and how it is spaced. Perhaps just leave it at what your second post said and leave the first one out completely unless they ask for clarification. Grammer is important for effective communication, and poor grammer can take away from the performance of the poem, but also try to come up with some content for the person so they can come away with something useful from your critique

The reason i am left with the same question as sixx is that its tough to see the form of the poetic genra there and you are just telling your audience and not presenting any sounds, sights, smells, or textures (imagery) for the audience to really grab ahold of. Work on that if you want to become more successful