well, when i say we act like we want to be seen, i don't just mean by others but i mean by ourselves too. i mean. i want to see myself in a certain light and i convince myself of that. convincing one's self is always more important than convincing others. you're basically deceiving yourself - forget the negative connotation of the word deceive. i mean it in a good way.

and like u said, we act one way in real life because of prudence and because, to different people, we may want to look like different things. i mean, to lovers we want to look attractive, to colleagues professional, to our children mature and responsible. on the forums we can each be most what we want to be around our perceived equals. fewer limitations... less prudence required.

and yeah, i guess 'fitting in' with 'groups' of people isn't even really necessary to my discussion, so you're right, it doesn't need to be there.
of course, i'm guessing that to some extent you enjoy thinking of yourself as not caring about fitting in... whether or not you admit it here. hmmm... and maybe you really don't, in fact, you probably don't, but that's because you've made yourself into what you wanted to be. the deception's so good and so thorough that you're actually changed. see what i'm getting at? i mean, kids are all basically a lot alike. when they grow up, they diverge differently (for the most part) because each sees themself turning into something different and runs with it.