this afternoon when i got back from school, i noticed that the house was uncommonly clean, and that the door to my room was locked. (they installed a device where they can lock me out of my room after my "incident" last year). there were also packages on the door from the ups man (which i had to sign for) and the chairs in the living room were arranged in a semicircle, along with some lawn chairs brought out from outside.
wondering what on earth was going on, i called my mother's cell phone (rest assured that i don't have one of those things), and found out she was at wal mart getting refreshments. when she got home, she gave me an outfit and told me to comb my hair and stop looking so glum because we had company coming over. my dad got home and promptly started opening the packages, putting their contents on a card table on the side of the living room.
"dad, what is this stuff?" I asked. "Why Tim, it's your college education, our next car, vacation house and debt refinancing" "you mean those boxes of vitamins and tubes of lotion"
"Better than that, Tim, this is our business opportunity!"
When he said that he had that same tone as those fuckups at school who think they're going to be high powered businessmen because they're in the class where they learn to operate a cash register and take inventory.
Three couples, two of whom i recognized as my parents' coworkers and one i had never seen before came in promptly at 7
0 and sat in the living room, eating ruffled potato chips and drinking soda from dixie cups. my mother then began to speak in a manner that seemed as badly rehearsed as a middle school play, even for her.
"Welcome to the most important opportunity of your life" If I were going to talk about everything this opportunity has to offer, it would take all night. So I'll leave it up to this short video."
The video was an absurd prophecy of how common middle class families would be crushed by credit card debt, education expenses, 80 hour workweeks and corporate layoffs. it then suggested that the only escape was to own your own business. that business was to become a distributor for a company called nutralife. to be a distributor meant that you had to buy a kit, and recruit others into your downline so they could sell nutralife supplements. they could also recruit others, and you would earn a commission on each sale at each level of recruitment and so on and so forth
I didn't see any more of the video than that, because everyone in the room abruptly made up some excuse to leave. then my parents got into an enormous fight about how much that starter kit and video was, and i'm waitng with abagail for them to make up so they can unlock my room.
imbeciles. i swear that they found me in a basket on the doorstep.