I live day to day (short term memory loss means going to sleep i forget much of the previous day) my physical activities are severely curtailed, i see myself getting heavier because of the lack of aerobic exercise. I go to college part time to get an education which is one of the main things that has enabled me to recover my IQ and 95% of my vocabulary.

I have maybe too many hobbies and obligations to various communities. don't see my kids enough this last month, never see my GF enough (one weekend in two) always forget to do things. I cry myself to sleep sometimes when I think of what I've lost, then wake up not remembering the emotional problems that made the previous day go up and down in my head. I am not looking forward to the day when theres no more drugs to try from my doctor to remove the constant pain in the left and rear of my head (diametrially opposite to where my head hit the ground (25mph wearing full facer) or prevent the rare occasions where i lose touch with me and try to harm/kill myself where i look at myself doing it and can't figure out why i don't appear to be in control of my body anymore.

The sun goes down far too quickly as we head towards winter and sometimes forget my birds need more attention than me sitting a foot or less from them. I should be getting help myself, cooking meals, paying bills, etc since i forget a lot but the specialist i threatened to sue just to get seen has screwed up all the help i could get in retribution.

At least I still have my IQ. It hurts to recognise your problems but it's better than losing IQ and living below your capabilities, never knowing what is wrong and how you appear to others.

I started college sat next to a lad with the same name as me. He admits he is in recovery from psychological problems and still on DLA but comes in dressed in long black pvc coat, black painted fingernails and a scowl on his face. I can't help thinking that his lifestyle and choice of image is detrimental to his psychological state and that I used my intelligence to choose the safest and most interesting environment around me to ensure that I didn't fall foul to the problems I see him with.

I may die today or tomorrow or live a long life, but I wake up each day having been relieved of most of the stress and emotional problems of the day before by the short term memory issue. I guess now I'm more scared of what the ambulance men will think of the state of my flat than the position I'm laid in if i die one of these days. It's not really worth being hassled about anymore, live life and gain some self respect and confidence to enjoy what you have left i say.