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SchmInKY
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09-13-06
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I think you described the boy's thoughts very naturalistically. I might tweak the last line just a little to make it more like Tommy would have thought it: you've been in Tommy's head the whole time, and then at the last line you step back and describe Tommy as unfortunate. Even changing "this" to "his", to show that it's Tommy realizing his situation is unfortunate would add a little more punch in my opinion.
  
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