Fuck you people. I wish all of you could come spend a holiday in Goose Creek, SC. At my grandma's house. She looks a lot like Jabba the Hut. You can watch my 5 year old cousins play poker and mix drinks. And then there's the infamous GOOSE CREEK BEER TREE. All the beer cans are hung by fishing line from the palmetto tree in the front yard. And then Jabba (AKA Grandma) complains for a few hours about how the Baptist preacher is going to see it and kick her out of the church.

And then my Aunt Darlene will say something like, "What an interesting shirt, Meaghan. Not something I would wear. Or anyone else. But it's definitely you. Very... cute. Thrift store?" And then I'll get pissed off and go take tequila shots with my brother behind the fireworks shed.

Then my fat cousin Stacey will do her stupid singing and dancing routine that she does every year. I'll drink more tequila.

Then we eat dinner. And I'm forced to sit at the children's table because I'm not married.

Around that time my brother gets so wasted that he can't function and starts crying about how his daddy's in prison and no one loves him. Mumbling will start.

Finally around 3 am, everyone passes out. And we eat ham for weeks.


SO WHO WANTS TO COME OVER!