What if you buy the bustickets to Niagra falls and surprise him?
How would he react?

If you're sure you want this relationship, talk talk talk.
It takes time because people don't change easy (old behavior/thinkingpatterns that you have for years take time to change).
What I always have to look out for is watch that I talk from my feelings, I feel like...this and that...blabla...and not in an accusing way...YOU...blabla and YOU blabla...(like I tended to do a lot out of frustraton).
You can't change the past, only try to make the future better.
So if you take a new starting point or something you don't have to point back to the past (should have done this or that, because he can't changed the way he acted in the past, only in the present)
Maybe tell him some of the things you wrote here, or write him a letter, about your feelings, then he has it black & white that you are not out to hurt him like his past girlfriend.

If nothing works and it keeps being frustrating and ending in walking away angry, I think it is worth trying relationship therapy.
There they are not going to tell you he is wrong or you are wrong etc, but they teach better ways of interacting and argueing.

From what I read here you love him and you're willing to fight for it.
Discuss it with him. :-)