Okay, the other week I think, My boyfriend and I had an argument... Now yeah, I did post it on here but then I edited it and it was moved to the bitch board because I really didn't want to talk about it at all... Now I think it is time to expose what the whole thing is about...

I will start with the fight we had last week.

Now I have been in Canada for ages and ages now and I will be returning back to the UK with my boyfriend and my daughter in 6 months if everything goes well. Thing is, I have never been to Niagra Falls or Missagua(sp?) beach and really, he hasn't actually taken me anywhere at all short of Toronto and the local Malls.

We have argued about this on a number of occasions... Recently though, it came to a head when he said that we don't have the money or a car... Valid, I will give him that as it is a crucial time where we have to save money and get sorted so we can go back to the UK as a family and start over. The argument I was putting across though, was never just about him taking me anywhere...

The actual argument was about that he never made an effort to anything with me, spend time with me, do anything really. Ever.

He said that he was lazy at first and he is sorry and now he would like to do things but we don't have the money/time/car and we have a child now/responsabilities now/no time off work now etc etc etc. He said he would love to do things with me... Now, when we don't have much time here, when he can't get the time off work, when we don't have the money, when we don't have a car, when we have these extra responsabilities and so on and so on.

Thats my point... He just hasn't tried or made an effort... EVER. Untill it is just about too late for him to do so.

So I bring up another point in this 'tiff'.... I have hinted before... When we first started dating, I have asked before, when we first started dating... Each time I hinted he "didn't pick up on the hints" and told me that I had to be "Less subtle" so I did and I asked but everytime I asked it was "I'm too tired/can't be bothered/ have too much going right now/ have to get this finished so honey, just shut up about it and let me suprise you...".... So I shut up about it for a year... And he never did do anything with me. It wasn't like we didn't have the time, wasn't like we didn't have the money and it wasn't like we didn't have a car... Just.... Didn't...

Anyway, he collects some photos from his parents place recently.... Well a box of photos, all of which are pictures of him and his ex girlfriends... At Rome, Antuiga, Florida, at cottages in ontario etc etc.... He sat down with me and told me to look at all these pictures because he wanted to show me the ones taken at these places... With gasps and "It was beautiful there!/Yeah Vanessa and I stayed in a log cabin there/ I had bruises from the paintballing" and well... Yeah as it goes, he had some really fun times judging by his enthusiasm and the pictures taken....

Yeah it may well be that I am jealous, I admit, I am jealous of this, he made an effort with all of them... I don't want to go to rome or fucking eygpyt or Antuiga or florida... I just want to go to Niargra falls or Toronto Zoo, what he doesn't seem to get is that to me... Canada is like him being somewhere foreign, imagine going to a different country and just wandering the same streets day after day after day after day and not even going anywhere but those streets when there are great places to go and then you look at those same streets it makes the whole country look bland and shitty because you never even went one place other than there. You're just stuck in that spot.... I wanted to see Canada... Not a few streets in canada, I just wanted him to realize that this place is totally different to me... And he wouldn't even make an effort with me.... Just the other day, I was walking down the street and I realized "Im a geordie girl.... I'm from County Durham... I'm in Canada...." Well you know what I mean, it hit me that I have never EVER been out of the UK till I cam here.... Yeah you get it...

I asked him why he never even made an effort with me and he said "Well I made an affort with all my other girlfriends and look where it got me!"... Is that a valid reason? Am I asking too much when I would like him to take me somewhere... Just for the day?

I hinted, I asked and when I actually bitched at him, he said that he would like to do things with me....

But thats the thing you see.... In my eyes, right now, as it stands... I feel as if I have forced it upon him to do this and it has lost all its fun... If he did take me anywhere now.... I wouldn't have fun... The reason why is because now I think that never wanted to in the first place, thats why he was holding it off and holding it off and when I bitched at him finally.... He just said it to shut me up and he is just going to take me somewhere to shut me up.... A half assed attempt at doing something when his heart is not in it at all.... The fact that he doesn't want to do it and never has wanted to, thats why he never did.

It upsets me that this is the conclusion I have came to after a long time being with him... I shouldn't even have had to have hinted, let alone asked to spend some time with him.... He should have wanted to and if he wanted to, he would have done....

Its not just with going places either, I have asked him to do little things, hinted, bitched and he did start but never finished... Why? Because honestly, if his heart is not in it then he really didn't want to in the first place....

I have tried taking him places.... I had to basically drag him kicking and screaming to go because I wanted to do something nice with him... We went to the local lake... Why? Because I HAVE NEVER BEEN ANYWHERE SHORT OF TORONTO TO KNOW MY WAY AROUND HERE!

Should my relationship boil down to an argument when I want to spend some time with him? I want him to want to do something with me, I don't want to bitch or ask or hint....

What do you think? I don't care if you guys bitch at me for being selfish, I guess I am in retrospect so its okay, you can do that if need be.... Just any opinons or advice at all would be helpful because right now, I really don't know what the fuck to do anymore about the whole situation and I am becoming tired of the same shit over and over with him...