i need to think more clearly about a situation. be a little bit more reasonable with it and see what the outcome of it would be at the very end. there is a reason for it to "remain" the way it is sappossed to be remained. but the remaining isn't going to be remained for a bad reason.... the remaining is going to be remained for good reasons only. for now maybe i should take a little separation away from it for a while. maybe then i'll come to the realization of it someday. or maybe i won't be able to come to the realization of it. maybe from there i'll be able to see if the way i was feeling was good and true or if my feeling was seriously bad and faulty and not true.

while on top of it i don't want to lose somebody that is seriously very deary to me. because if i lose it.... then there would be this gigantic hole at the very pit of my atomach. that hole would be getting bigger and bigger and bigger to where it would just keep on growing. then i'll be losing alot of sleep and i'll feel devastated.

i'm going to go back and look at something from which i've written

"ok how well do we think we know people?

nobody can ever really know anybody. no matter how well you think you may know someone. or want to get to know someone. you can never actually know them as well as you MIGHT think you know them. because we are what we are and nobody is what they seem to be. since we don't really know people the way we think we might know them. do we really know ourselves?"
that is just it right there.


1. some people can learn everything and anything about a person.

like how many smiles does one person have and what kind of expressions that they use from that smile, to know what it is that they are into and why they are into it while understanding how it touches the very pit of there soul, to know what would make a person happy and understand why that something would them happy, to know what would make a person sad and understand why that something would make them sad... just understanding in general there likes and don't likes... and there expressions and unexpressions... and yaddah yaddah yadddah and other. while knowing there backgrounds, heritage, and religion.... knowing what they do or don't do.. what kind of a talent they have... as well as there form of music.

2. how do you FULLY know someone after all of that and how do you know if it was all for the truth or not on information spouting? when that was all about getting to know someone..........

3. eventhough you might not know that much about them and they don't know much about you like from the inside and outside... while people seriously come to this conclusion "you don't know anything about me." well do you think you me inside and out? that would be a good thing to tell people when they say it to you.

4. no matter what we are still drawn together anyway. from when you tell someone "you don't really know me." which is seriously weird and how that can be a big mistery all on its own. but does it really matter if you know that person or not while still feeling something for them?

so by knowing stuff about a person inside and outside... would that make your feeling become true and good about the person? because that would show you as if you are seriously into them and that you are not fucking around. you are seriously giving them "your all" from what you got in that big heart of yours....

while if you don't know anything about that person at all... from the inside and outside your feelings wasn't ment to be good and that your feelings are faulty and just purely bad. to where that feeling would be nothing but infatuation?

i do understand the concept between infatuation and having a crush....

infatuation is when you see a girl and you fall in "love" with her quickly.. then boom you get tired and you take off.

where if you have a crush... that crush would stay on and that crush would never go away.

but still it is FAR better to have somebody as a friend then as YOUR companion. that is what i ment by " there is a reason for it to "remain" the way it is sappossed to be remained. but the remaining isn't going to be remained for a bad reason.... the remaining is going to be remained for good reasons only." which is friends..

1. i just need to see how i could be able to make sure of my self on this. because i really don't want to do anything stupid. nore do i feel like loosing this person either. how do i turn off the way i feel much less seriously figure out the way i feel?

2. if my feeling was positive and it is a crush. then i seirously don't want to go into the relationship thing. i'll just be the friend that i can be.


just like the way the person does want it to be as just as much as i do.

what do you people of kendra's journal have to say?