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Alpha is Offline

In search of meaning...

Posts: 1,378

Gallery: 0

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Join Date: Jan 2005

Location: Wisconsin

Zodiac Sign: Scorpio

Rating: Not Rated

Credits: 48,206

05-27-05

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I found it fast paced, which is a good thing.
I think you need to go a bit deeper with the god's back ground. He almost sounds like a bored immortal, that so happens to be a god. Give him a history worthy of his title.

Otherwise, again, he just sounds like a bored immortal.

I think you got alot goin on, but if the rest of the story goes into more detail with the area's/objects that it mentions, its perfect for a first chapter, as no one wants to read about creation for ten chapters, and have the elventh a Hoo-Ha! Look who wins! Thingy...

Just my input.

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