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Originally Posted by Kain424 I like it when you choose to write because you write a lot. In this story, however, I felt that there were too many verbs and not enough adjectives. There was a lot going on, but not much set-up. Things just sort of happened. It would also have been nice to learn a bit more about the characters... instead, we just get a lot of "he" did this or "He" said that. So I like what you have done here, but it would be nice to explore some of these things more fully, learn about the people and their motivations and the like.
My favorite part:
The woman is carried, screaming away, by some "god". But it's ok though, she happy now that he gives her some nice stuff. Some people are more easily bought than others, I guess. |
with that in mind, and on the same token, keep going and during perhaps a second draft you can elaborate. i've noticed in my writing that the first draft is often skeletal with a bit of meat, but as i reread later on, i find new things to add in because of a deeper familiarity with the story.