I'm sorry.

You have to think about him, and making his passing easier. The person doing the dying needs to know that life will continue, and that mouring won't be so great as to sweep the family away.

It sucks, I know it does, but the years pass and things get a little easier. You begin to get 'time off', as opposed to now, where every moment of every day has a shadow. First of all you just forget for a few minutes, you get distracted, but later as things soften you can look back fondly and not just see the memories tinged with illness and pain.



It's good that you have to be strong for someone else, it gives you a focus, a purpose. It's important to attend to your own feelings, but helping others will mkae it easier for you too, instead of just drowning in your own pain.

As he gets worse he will probably be admitted and morphone will take the panicky-anguish away, and his slipping away might well be more peaceful than you imagine.

You will cope, we all do. We have to.
Children are supposed to lose their parents, it's the natural order of things. Your father would rather it was this way, and not the situation reversed.

You might find it helps to look for support.
I know it helps me to talk to others who've lost their parents, especially when other people are looking to you for support.