What do you do when your entire life is disconnected... is there anything to be done? Especially when you don't want to do anything?

Let me explain... I recently volunteered to help a friend/mentor on a trip to a cultural festival. Let's just say it was entirely out of my normal realm of experience. I felt at odds with the people around me, almost confrontational. Their beliefs, their attitudes, etc.... all foreign to me and my mind set.

I was disconnected. Well, more so that usual.

They say that no man is an island... and that may be true, from a metaphorical standpoint... there is no such thing as a state of nature for social beings such as ourselves, but there is definitly a state of being, perhaps more so in our society, of Closed Off Man (no relation to Pilt-Down).

I'm digressing.

I was disconnected. I was more alone that usual, trapped (by choice, perhaps not knowin what I signed on for) in an unfamiliar and unfriendly place. I felt horrible, both for these people (as I pretty much destested their various messages) and for us all (as I had no way in my social set to connect with them).

But that was just the catalyst for me to look at my life in general. I realized that after this trip, I didn't really know my friend/mentor... that who I thought they were was really only a series of assumptions on my part based on the severely limited framework of our interpersonal communications concerning fiction and fiction writing.

I feel I was naive. Hell, I am naive... but it makes me sad. The assumptions that I made were erroneous and I am really no more connected to my life with these people than I was with those at this cultural festival.

It makes me sad...

I do not wish to change who I am, the essence of what I am, in order to better know these particular people (or this particular person) or find myself higher in their esteem... despite the fact that I wish I really were higher in said esteem.

Hum... is there a question here? I do not know. All I know is that this past weekend has made me sad for a new reason (as I am a generally morose person anyway) and see nothing that can be done about it that I am willing to undertake.

The story of my life... I am so unwilling to change myself that most deep, meaningful human contact suffers...

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*sigh*