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11-14-04
being honest with myself about what's really bothering me hasn't always been an easy thing. but the truth of the matter is, we often times wanna confuse ourselves about what really hurts to ease the pain a little.
when my grandpa died while i was 16, it really hurt. for a long time. people assumed i was just real close to my grandpa, and we were, but in my own head i knew i had a peace with him being gone. what was hurting that whole time was seeing my dad hurt. and when i finally acknowledged this fact, i started goin and doing things to help him get his mind off of it. i'd ask him if he wanted to go hike or something, and soon enough he was doing good again. so was i.
so, silver, are you sad about an unnoticed birthday? or are you sad because you lost your great-grandma, and now you're projecting the hurt over to the birthday, because that's an easy thing to be hurt over? another thing i wonder about is, are you mostly hurt because you've been "lied" to? understand his reasoning. i don't find any lie to be productive, but in this case, it was well intended.
it might hurt worse to acknowledge the things that really weigh you down, but it helps you cope a lot quicker. |