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Originally Posted by Duchess Nocturn When I first starting posting here, I'd just turned 17. I flirted and *snogged* or whatever the hell else. I think it's silly & stupid, now, but I have done things of which I am not proud. Oh yes. I have done things of which I am not proud.
But posting unflattering pictures I can't bring myself to do . . . . . even good pictures I eventually see as horrible. I'm so critical of myself . . . . and the kind of people who are attracted to me-- I can only think of one who didn't have anything horribly terribly wrong with him. The men who respond to me? Most of them are old, foreign, homeless, old foreign & homeless, or if they're not any of those, they always lack something like ambition, self control, sanity . . . . or teeth. |
Did you ever think you had anything terribly wrong with you (self control, sanity, etc.)? It gets me how you run around here calling me a fucking lunatic when you're least just as crazy as I am. Jeez, when I met you, you kept one of your mom's steak knifes under your pillow so you could cut yourself, you liked to speak and write in third person pretending to be possessed, and you were completely asexual - and when you gained interest in sexual intercourse you wanted me to use you in a way that made feel like a tramp or slut. Or what about the time when in you were in a depressed tantrum at your Christian college, you shaved off your eyebrows for attention? Doesn't sounds very sane to me......but I loved you anyway (I knew we were both fucking nuts). What about all those times you would go into a violent, moody, or verbally abusive rage out of NOWHERE? 9 times out of 10 it's what made me go into my rages, that or the fact you seemed to care about anything.... I guess the point is I never had to deal with someone before that was just as fucked up as I am - still I even miss that too to all hell...
....I really think sanity is just an illusion of the mind.
It doesn't justify anything that I did in ANYWAY, and if I had the chance I would make sure I wouldn't make the same mistakes.... just it really bothers me how YOU are the one with a selective memory and YOU are the one pretending to a perfect little saint and you make such claims about me.....