I know its been a while. Well I thought I should start this up again on having another journal. You don't have to be in here if you don't want to. Remember I am not pointing a gun to your forhead and DEMAND that you sit here and read my journal giggles. It's YOUR CHOICE to make and not mine. So do as you want.

Well i'm sitting here in the dark typing. I'm also having a conversation with DarkTigger through a private message about what is going on with me. This was are private message.



lay's you down on the couch*
*gets notpad and pen*
I am wondering, and it might be pertinant to your paticular situation.. Have you ever had a bad 'involvement'(rape, incest, molestation, ect) in the past? or.... Did your mom ever talk about how men are evil, and along the lines of the previous question, when you were younger? and/or, have friends that went through those type of situations that were/are friends??
Any of the above may cause a 'dislike' towards the male of our species.LOL..

I think that maybe the reason that you may tend to see more of a relationship than friendship is due to the fact you most likely are two things.. A romantic, and a co-dependant type of person.. These two personality types, when combined, often causes the effect.. Like being an alchoholic, it is something you have to fight with yourself to control.. (i know this from personal experience as well as friends i have known)

As far as dealing with your problem of believing that a friendship is a relationship, or always ending up that way.. All i can truely suggest to you is that you think as logically as you can about what is happeneing with the person and then try to see if you might be seeing more than is actually there to begin with.. Or, Question yourself about what your doing and how your acting.. And if you find that you are pushing something you didn't intend to, then just laugh at your horemones and keep going.. LOL no harm, no foul.....

k simply put, if you meet someone you think would make a good friend, then remember That is what they are.. male female or trans-sexual hehe
Try to hold yourself back from the relationship view point. Let them be blatent about what they want..
If then you find that the 'straight' ones want to be involved with you, look at that bridge when you see it under your feet.. don't look for it before then..
Hmm, maybe even simpler way would be.. Don't look for the relationship, Let it look for you!!

I seriously wished that I didn't erase my other private messages, while him and I were talking in them. Once when I responded back to him.

I'm guessing on this one. Since i've been posting in "The undies of Darkforum." People wanted to see what I look like in my underwear. But i'm really flattered about how you people want to see me in my underwear and all. Really I am....... Still i'm not comfortable about posting my naked self on Darkforum at all, and i'll never post my naked body on Darkforum ever. So what I did was... I went to Google and found a women in a her underwear, and then I posted it in "The undies of Darkforum" thread. And while posting a picture of women from Google on there. I came out and said this "Ok I hope that this would work. If not then I don't know what to tell you. This is me in my underwear" Which that wasn't me in my underwear and that was someone else.

So after he caught me lying in that thread. He thinks i'm lying about the problem that i'm having and this is what he said "i'm sarcastic, use adult humor often, and find humor to be one of the better things in life...(just so you know)

you , well, i have picked a few things out so far.. And much is obvious from your statements.. Unless of course you lied in many of your posts.."

Oh my god........................... Well if it's going to come down to that, then i'm serioiusly not going speak what is on my mind anymore, WHEN I talk to someone about one of my issue's. I think it's best if I keep all of my crap bottled up inside and deal with it my self. I don't care if I torture my self with it again. Well that is lie of course. I will care if I torture my self with my own problems.

I'm seriously not the kind of person that would lie, i'll only lie if I have a reason to lie about something. Like in "Adult Images" sections.

Next time i'm just going to keep my mouth shut, when ever I have a problem. Because I seriously don't want things to happen like that, like what happened between me and Darktigger.

Man I seriously wished I didn't fucking erased what I have said to him though. Maybe it was all just a big missunderstanding and i'm hoping that it's a big missunderstanding. I'm going to keep my god dam fingers crossed with this one.

You want to know what would seriously be nice though? I wish that people could stop missunderstanding me!! People missunderstand me way too fucking much...... Am I really that hard to understand people? Please stop missunderstanding me.............................................................................. .............

But with this kind of problem which I am having. NO I haven't been in a rape, incest, or molestationpast?

Then on to the other thing which was this "or.... Did your mom ever talk about how men are evil, and along the lines of the previous question, when you were younger? and/or, have friends that went through those type of situations that were/are friends??
Any of the above may cause a 'dislike' towards the male of our species.LOL.."

I only had one friend in high school. AND his name was Joe..... He was the only friend I seriously ever had in high school. Untill I met this chick name Dee and she was the new person in my high school. Untill I ran into her she introduced me to other people. All of these people I new were straight and none of them had this kind of situation that I seem to have. But i'm not with people anymore and i'm know a loner and always will be a loner. I don't go out or do anything anymore. Seriously I have no one but my family. And my family only........... The only thing that I have is the people on the fucking internet!! That is all to be able to communite with.

God this fucking sucks oh well............... So no more speaking about my problems. I'm going to shut up about from know on. Cause I seriously don't want this kind of crap to happen.

So that should tell you people something. Since I only had a guy friend and never had a girl who was a friend. That is what confuses me about this. Well that is what my mom says and thinks. About my situation that is.

Wish I could go some place and hide there for a while. To where no one could ever find me.

I'm confused and I don't know what the hell I like between either of the sexes. Also how can I be confused since I haven't had any kind of expereince with either one of them, while still being a virgin at the age of 23 and almost turning 24?