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>FuckDoll< · 02-10-04

Quote:

Originally Posted by Firewall

A light at dawn

My mind reaches, grasps toward the shimmer in the lake
I cant feel my face because of the wretched cold
The cold that holds me, cradles me like a child
Then crushes me like an insect in the wind and rain at dawn.

My face freezes into one position of anger and pain
I cant see my reflection any more...am I blind?
Am I dead, am I transparent like a ghost might be?
I shake my arms into the lake and see only a light inside.

A light that brightens up the entire lake and blinds me....almost
I jump back startled by what seems to be hundreds of thorns
My eyes in my head ache from the sharpness....no wait...
They are not thorns in my eyes, its the light at dawn.

Besides the couple weird punctuation issues, I really like this one. It does seem a bit wordy though... You should take it to the editing room, it would be interesting to see how it came out of there. Anyway, I really like the feeling and objective here. Great work.

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